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There are more years between now and "Old Time Rock and Roll" than between "Old Time Rock and Roll" and actual old time rock and roll.
I don't know what's more depressing: the destruction of Krypton or the Smallville Sears.
"So, I'm making my way across the disco dance floor when BAM a tornado knocks me into next week!" - the bug I just blew off my phone
Stop saying "my gays." They're not your property, plus they can't stand you anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if we exist in a reality where aliens intercepted transmissions of The Beatles and decided not to destroy us.
"I feel like nobody gets me." - 7-11 apples
Cool how in the '80s bands were classified based solely on tie-width.
I'm hearing a distant tuba, like a comically fat guy is making his way over.
What's that thing where someone says "YOU'RE WELCOME" and links to something fucking stupid that doesn't enrich my life in the slightest?
Had this weird feeling "Synchronicity II" would be on the radio. Turned it on, it was "Synchronicity II." It was synchronicity, too.
"Amadeus" but about Brian Wilson and Mike Love.
As a young girl I always dreamed of becoming my second husband's fourth wife.
Getting to that age where I should be releasing a collection of popular standards.
Drunk means spilling beet juice all over the floor. Hungover means wondering why you murdered Sheena Easton.
I was followed and then quickly unfollowed by a feed called "Men's Confidence."
Tom Cruise: "It's intense. I play the last man on Earth, just me and two women." Cool, I love Sci-Fi. "No, it's Horror."
Father's Day gifts for deadbeat dads: Pool cue, bottle of gin, Re/Max magnet calendar with your birth date circled, Harry Chapin cassette.
It's impossible to deplane down tarmac stairs and not pretend you're one of The Beatles.