Just found out that a word I use frequently, doesn't actually exist. That's like the fourth time this glibbon.

All I'm saying, is that we should be a little more concerned about Charlie Brown being almost completely bald at 8 years old.

I think I just pocket unfollowed someone. May not re-follow though, i'd like to see where my pocket is going with this

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame is still on you, cuz I don't have any. Also, stop fooling me.

Damn, I set my clock back too far and now I'm wearing overalls with one strap down and listening to Color Me Badd.

I have to restart my blackberry so I'll talk to you guys in a couple weeks

Hey lady braking unnecessarily on the hwy,keep in mind that some of us are trying to simultaneously text/smoke/drive like responsible adults

Just finished a chat via text msg in which the girl finished every single sentence with "lol". It was draining lol. Wanna kill myself lol.

I bet the guys who play Call of Duty would be the first ones to soil themselves in actual combat.

I was wondering why I'm single and then I yawned and drool came out and landed on my foot. Ok, I get it.

My phone is calling people randomly, this is crazy. It's like it has a mind of its own. Look, now it's making a pot roast

I wonder if Macgyver ever sits in his kitchen with a paperclip, a sock, & a rubber band and tries to create some career rejuvenation machine

I'm glad I don't have a Memory Foam mattress because I'm pretty sure my mattress wants to forget absolutely everything that happened there.

I had Starbucks today and even though I'm broke now, I truly believe I'm better than all of you.

Just noticed I put "your" instead of "you're" in one of my recent tweets so now I'm gonna join an elementary school band & play the triangle

I'm not shocked that Herman Cain is being accused of sexual harassment, but I'm extremely shocked that there's a black guy named Herman.

Hey if someone has a foot fetish, can they still get off on the wrong foot?

A moth flew into my face this morning in the bathroom, and I discovered I can shriek like a little girl. I'm cool now though

My sister just had a baby & I'm concerned that they'll forget to throw a hashtag in the name to ensure the baby is relevant to today's youth

If autocorrect was a person, I would punch him right in his ducking duck. Son of a butch