@evanrachelwood @grrlxxnothing Sexuality is a social construct. You just love who you love.

@hellogiggles I like my tattoos, it's like buying art that no one can take from you.

I'm such a nerd that I can't handle this #celebrityfish hashtag. Everyone's taxonomy is wrong. Mollusks aren't fish, neither are arthropods.

@marykoco @robdelaney If pussy tastes great in a car, just imagine what it tastes like in a wheelchair!

@abfalecbaldwin @irelandbbaldwin And now I want to date your daughter.

52% of the US thinks the earth is 6000 years old. 50% fall below the mean intelligence. Coincidence I think not. #GodUniverse

@irelandbbaldwin those ruby lips and sapphire eyes could talk a pit bull off of a meat truck.

Did anybody else find Pootie Tang much more enjoyable after finding out @louisck both wrote and directed it?

Punk is beauty.

Twitter negatively impacts your ability to send normal sounding text messages.

If deleting your Twitter account is twittercide, then what's deactivating your Facebook called? Graduating high school maybe?

I met a really hot Italian drummer chick last night.

@nasa_johnson @skrillex Make sure he doesn't drop the bass...

@quintywinties @jonaspolsky @nottjmiller He's pretty damned funny. Funniest act I've seen live for sure.

Remember kids, of Santa doesn't bring you what you wanted it's because you're a horrible shit of a child... That, or your parents are poor.

I've named my plant "Esther."

If acting doesn't work out I'll go to Law School.

@aleneparr @pellmull Exactly what fatties would say.

@aleneparr @pellmull Good luck catching me, I'm like a ninja squirrel.

Where are all these women of ill repute I keep hearing about?