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What do triscuits have 3 of, that biscuits only have 2 of?
These cheese curls taste like bus fumes
If I was on Death Row, my last meal request would be to eat Mila Kunis's juicebox.
Really thinking co-workers new cologne could be highly mistaken for wasp and hornet killer
How am I supposed to be excited about camping when I feel like a Hot Pocket straight out of the microwave first thing in the morning??
I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but my waitress just took my Visa card outside with her. Hoping it's just a smoke break.
My friend says she is in Day 6 of her cleanse, really hated to tell her she is cleansing the wrong part of her body.
This guy next to my desk smells like old hockey equipment
If I win the lottery tonight, I'll soon be living inside the world's largest Reese's peanut butter egg imaginable.
Flirty waitress last night said I was a great "tipper"......I left her some money as well.
Tried out the new pillowcases last night. Not sure what # grit they are, but I know thread count is out of the question.
Single Dad, Pittsburgh sports follower, avid golfer, stogie lover! Nothing better than Steeler Nation! I'd try stand-up comedy, but I'm terrified of crowds.