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I'd sign up for a dating website if everyone's profile pic had to be their butt. Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
Thinking of starting a fan campaign to save Community by canceling it.
Does anyone know a place in Los Angeles for a lonely, sad person to make friends? Asking for a- oh God.
I'll be doing stand up on Tuesday with a buncha @cracked folks and @annielederman this Tuesday. Jokes and so on. http://westsidecomedy.com/show.cfm?id=235135&cart …
Sometimes I think about how perfect the jokes and story structure in the Mr. Plow episode of The Simpsons are and I weep.
Okay, but how do I find my NON porn name?
One of those headaches where my brain is trying to punch its way outta my skull and I'm like "Fine just do it already and give me peace."
I don't even know the guy. All I'm saying is I have a buddy named Pretty Good Gatsby, and now this new guy shows up. Seems like a dick move.
Just invented a cajun poutine recipe from scratch and now I want to open up a restaurant that serves only this and only to me.
@swaim_corp and @drmistercody are doing an AMA right now! http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1chpvh/mytemple_the_fitness_training_game_from_michael/ …
Fart like nobody's watching.
Senior Writer/Columnist for http://Cracked.com, Witstream Writer