The idea that women can stop rape by carrying guns = All rapists are shadowy bogeymen, date/acquaintance/family rape & roofies don't exist.

"How's the job hunt going?" "Oh... uh... you know." (I politely remove my jeans, stretch my butthole up and around my body, and disappear~)

Maybe YOUR body is a Wonderland, but mine is that Ukrainian theme park abandoned after Chernobyl and overrun by radioactive wolves.

Q: How many Baby Boomers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Zero, but ten are blocking the ladder and this is somehow your fault.

I smoked a pot once, and now I'm on life-support, hooked up to a bunch of machines. I type my tweets using butthole Kegels. WEED KILLS.

In the matriarchy, men will wear styles that draw attention to boners; Shimmering translucent fabrics, delicate beads, windchimes.

I added my comments to the worst Boston Marathon memorial photo in case you want to send this to anyone sharing it. pic.twitter.com/8zvE3I1WP9

"LinkedIn?! HA! More like, two in the PinkedIn, one in the StinkedIn!!!" -Me Making It Clear Why I'm Still Unemployed

College tuition rose 600% between 1980 and 2010, but Baby Boomers mock Millennials' crippling debt while blocking entry to fair wage jobs.

"Millennials are LAZY and ENTITLED for wanting the basic job stability and health care that Baby Boomers took for granted." -Time magazine

HEY MALES! What's up, males? Shout-out to all the males. MALES. MALES. MALES. THIS IS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE WHEN YOU CALL WOMEN "FEMALES".

zooey deschanel acts like little girl, real cool!! ukelele and infantilism! she spill spaghetti Os on her bib, i am getting 50 boners

IT'S THE REMIX TO IGNITION, SOMETHING ROAD TO PERDITION, OBAMA HOLDIN' A BODY, GOT EVERY MAN IN HERE FISHIN' (????)

Take a lesson from cats and show your butthole to the haters.

i am cool brokmlyn hipst
i listen coll music
smok cigaret, dont go chuch
i like beerfashionn

When I was in Michigan, people kept trying to brag about how Iggy Pop is from there and I was like "Uh it's Iggy SODA"

Roses are decent / but flowers are wussy / the best goddamn gift / is eatin' that P U $ $ Y

There are billions of organisms in your colon. You have a whole world up your butt. Let this inspire you today.

Reminder that it's 2012 and at this point "hipster" refers to practically anyone in their 20s who doesn't listen to Phish/Michael Buble/ICP.

"Read it, write it / Blog, re-blog it / Hate it, change it / Bechdel test it / PROBLEMATIC. PROBLEMATIC." -Feminist Daft Punk