@dadbeard @verified it's too bad, because you truly are the real dad beard on twitter

i will hire muscle crooks to punch your trash cans into the sewer, i guarantee it. i will use the profits to buy new kitten sweater

*opens Vine*
"Well lookie here, someone vined Macklemore."
*closes Vine forever*

NIGHT NIGHT. Know that you did everything that needed to be done today! You did nothing more & nothing less than was needed! ALL IS OK!

@gidgetnomates @dadbeard atually i lied what i REALLY want is THIS one pic.twitter.com/4xEqeKCkDc

@dadbeard @dudehugs thanks for reminding me how much i want this shirt  http://www.yesstyle.com/en/d-p-shop-short-sleeve-floral-print-top-bright-orange-one-size/info.html/pid.1032599025 …

CURRENT FAVORITE: A MIX BETWEEN "SAD" AND BEING CONVINCED I HAVE TOO MANY TEETH

A COLLECTION OF FEELINGS THAT HAVE NO NAME I KEEP THEM IN THE TRASH

hey come check out my ass dude

what should I do with my newfound power

Jerking off a frozen poop until it cums diarrhea? Wow, that's a disgusting idea and I hope you feel horrible for even thinking about it

I put in red contacts & said follow me into a cave he was like ok I was mad bc it didn't scare him away so we sat there til bats attacked us

just overheard some girls talk about a "nude bra " im like FUCK YES GET ME ONE FOR MY ASS

the new soap in the bathroom smells like an aunt annies pretzel all buttery &cinnamon.i dont like it bc i dont wanna eat my hand in my sleep

Hi, guys. I love you. I hope your Thursday was good and you feel happy in your head and heart. I care about you guys a lot.

A cover of "Hallelujah," but actually any other song.

9/11Conspiracy
Biggie=sang about WTC bombing
Biggie=shot
Ammunition rhymes w Ignition
Ignition=R.Kelly has a Lexus
Lexus=Texas
Texas=BUSH!?

“you get a fav! And you get a fav! YOU’RE ALL GETTING FAVS!” - Oprah reading tweets

no You're watching the Nothing Compares 2U video with tears in your eyes

Unfollow me but at least be sassy about it.