@tastefactory @rudetanks @dollhands_inbed @keelayjams @lostcatdog @horselythighs @sarahemilypain @amylou126 @suppushpop Gaaaaahh! Too much!

Slater and Zack were both toxic relationships for Kelly. Why didn’t any of her friends tell her?

I always forget how much people in public want to talk about my beard whenever a new The Hangover movie comes out.

Hey, Fart Tweet.

The best part about small town festivals is being to walk around and just fart wherever.

FUCK YEAH PRODUCTION VALUES!  https://vine.co/v/bEY9KL7Odzb 

That’s not true, they didn't say that. They aren’t watching the movie, though.

Tried showing my kids The Mighty Ducks but they were like “Mighty Fuck this, lets play with Legos”.

Notice I didn’t say that we’re good tweets, but they are mine and love them and you might think they are okay too.

And that is how you write tweets inspired by other people's tweets.

Forget not being able to hug, I’m upset that animals can’t shrug. All creatures should be able to display indifference.

I thought about animals not being able to hug and now I can’t stop smiling because they are animals and shouldn’t be able to hug.

Kids don’t give a fuck about baroque pop.

Hesher Dad says “Fuuuuuuuuck.”

There were 69 dog attacks on postal carriers in Los Angeles last year, which sucks for the postal carriers but is hella sexy for the dogs.

The Wire? More like Wire you not watching iCarly right now?

Sure, I’ve never watched The Wire, but I have seen all four seasons of Wizards of Waverly Place twice. What of it?

I finished all three seasons of H2O: Just Add Water and now I officially know everything about Australia.

@prumpy_spice It looks like! The prize is the tremendous tweets of @tricialockwood!

I appreciate you, @benner