Watching Saved By The Bell and telling every character to shut up after they say something.

As the first editor of Buzzfeed, Martin Luther wrote the now famous list "95 'Meh' Things About the Catholic Church".

It’s completely okay to confuse Joy Division’s ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ and INXS’ ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ because they are both great songs.

The JSTOR called, they want their PDFs back.

SEINFELD FUN FACT: There was only one episode of Seinfeld ever made.

I’m just trying to be the most real person I can be in this fake world we have made and do it in an entertaining way.

When a tear cried over a lost stuffed animal hits soil, a Zooey Deschanel sprouts up and sings you a Smiths song on a ukelele.

Thank you so much, @marykoco, for the trophy! Big surprise! Huge!

Can an objects name be any more ridiculous than the walkie talkie? Why aren't toilets called 'sitty shittys'? Refrigerator 'foody cooly'?

I watched an old man on his laptop at the YMCA click on every pop-up window that opened. It was majestic. I wish I trusted like that.

I saw a tiny fedora get blown off of a baby’s head by a gust of wind. It was like God saying “No!”.

If you are ever lonely on the Internet, just type in ‘DadBeard’ and I will be there.

I Just Ate Food From A Truck Stop And, Frankly, I Don’t See How Beebee Is Still With Us.

My four kids are rowdy but, at times, they’ll calm down, snuggle up next to me, and I’ll whisper in their ear “Be like this forever”.

By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?

Rudy, a message to you
Stop your fooling around
Time you straighten right out
You’re too small to play
Football at Notre Dame

The first time I wore JNCOs I knew I looked stupid, but I still wore them for another year.

My Name Is Jaime Escalante, You Failed Intermediate Arithmetic, Prepare To Learn Calculus.

Grilled Cheeses For My Real Friends, Girl Jesus For My Unitarian Friends.

Croupcakes: Cupcakes That Make Babies Cough!