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Starbucks acts like they're so fancy. You sell hot black water and muffins. Calm down.
Just gonna write in, Springsteen/Seger 2012, on my ballot. And sign it on behalf of the USA, you guys.
Told work I gotta split for a business appointment. 'Cause drinkin' cold ones is my business, and business is good, you guys.
Just put some booze in a container that doesn't look like it's booze, then go shoppin.' Now you got a shoptail.
Bet MLK'd be so proud of that Sherman guy right now. Man. So powerful. With the heat of a thousand black suns.
Change in your pocket, domesto cans on ice, your team on top, arms on swoll, a jam on the radio, and babes in the night. The American Dream.
The only therapist I talk to is Dr. Cold One, M.D. No appointment needed, you guys.
Heard about the Notre Dame corncob gettin' burned by some robot babe. Idiot. Any true bad boy needs a real feel caress, you guys.
People who think they're happy cause they got a fancy job gotta remember: Rich or poor, cold beer tastes the same so who cares, you guys.
Never understood why people count how many drinks they have. A real man drinks by body feel. More natural. Boozin' ain't math, you guys.
My workout routine: 1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like the Rattlesnake. 3. Cut off your sleeves.
"Fireball Whisky gets you blackout bombed, but ready for a steamy makeout sesh if you don't have the spins and barf. That's Fireball."
If the world wants to flush you down the toilet, just be the king of the sewer, you guys.
If you're drivin' around in a convertible, wavin' a chainsaw, nobody's gonna say crap to ya except, "Whoa, there's a new sheriff in town."
Gatorpagne: half champagne, half Gatorade, because hydration don't need a reason to celebrate, you guys. Is it in you?
A real USA man knows how to give a firm handshake, can do at least 10 'shups, shoot a whisky, and change a tire. If you can't, you're a boy.
If Paul Ryan got butt passioned by a crack animal & had to shoot a sin baby out his peener, he might understand the meaning of "religion."
If you think it's "uncool" to love America, why don't you go see how "cool" it is to live in a country that doesn't have toilets or pizza.
Wish I owned a TV store in Wisconsin tomorrow, you guys.
Can't wait for the weekend!
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