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Should sell 12 packs with 4 Sam Adams & 8 Bud Lights. Tasties to start and domestos for smooth sailin' home. Call it, "The Professional."
Starbucks acts like they're so fancy. You sell hot black water and muffins. Calm down.
Just gonna write in, Springsteen/Seger 2012, on my ballot. And sign it on behalf of the USA, you guys.
Told work I gotta split for a business appointment. 'Cause drinkin' cold ones is my business, and business is good, you guys.
If you're drivin' around in a convertible, wavin' a chainsaw, nobody's gonna say crap to ya except, "Whoa, there's a new sheriff in town."
Never understood why people count how many drinks they have. A real man drinks by body feel. More natural. Boozin' ain't math, you guys.
The only therapist I talk to is Dr. Cold One, M.D. No appointment needed, you guys.
Finished up the first scene of my Roadhouse remake starring Guy Fieri. Turned out badass. Check it out, you guys: http://t.co/hFE1Mhs2
ROADHOUSE 2012: PAIN STILL DON'T HURT (starring Guy Fieri) script is done! Time for a Friday celebraish, you guys. http://t.co/eC6eLli9
My workout routine: 1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like the Rattlesnake. 3. Cut off your sleeves.
Heard about the Notre Dame corncob gettin' burned by some robot babe. Idiot. Any true bad boy needs a real feel caress, you guys.
If the world wants to flush you down the toilet, just be the king of the sewer, you guys.
If Paul Ryan got butt passioned by a crack animal & had to shoot a sin baby out his peener, he might understand the meaning of "religion."
Gatorpagne: half champagne, half Gatorade, because hydration don't need a reason to celebrate, you guys. Is it in you?
Can't believe we're still at work. Can't wait to peel out and give the double middles so hard, like fists armed with freedom rockets.
When you call the Suicide Hotline, they should just say, "Slow down, corncob. Have you tried Chili's? What's your problem?"
If I was a Packer fan, my TV would be smashed in about a thousand pieces, you guys. Man.
I ain't takin' advice on how to live my life from some old dude halfway around the world. Unless it's Pope Ric Flair, I'm not interested.
Wearin' boots with jean shorts says, "I like to keep cool, but I'm ready if the action gets hot."
Can't wait for the weekend!
