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It's ironic that so many NASCAR fans are afraid of other races.
Do call it a comeback.
I want to get a job at a funeral parlor so I can say "What do I have to do to put you in this coffin today?" to customers.
I'm surprised that more people don't shoot at the signs on Target stores.
While I was off Twitter, I wrote a book, finished my PHD, and learned to speak Swahili........Or I played about 200 hours of "Fallout"
I miss the days when we didn't have to hear every person's opinion on every subject.
Nice to see that Tom Jones can still trend without dying.
Twitter keeps telling me I'm "similar" to some people who don't actually tweet anymore. Is that a hint?
Each time I think I've heard the dumbest thing ever said.......I say something else.
Tweet like no one is reading.
Here, I'll show you how.
I'll just say it, Betty Ford was more fun before she got sober.
My favorite part of writing a tweet is thinking of 5 ways to improve it.
After it's already posted.
I still have a land line because I use it twice a day to call my cell phone when I can't find it.
I got kicked out of graduate school because I wrote an antithesis.
There are several birds in my yard. They all seem to be alive right now.
I'll keep you posted.
"Stop me before I say too much"..............Nobody on Twitter. Ever.
Most of my major decisions should be accompanied by the sad trombone.
My muscles are rock hard but I'm pretty sure it's just because they're stale.
An old guy who shouts at the sky
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