I don't like my haircut or my life

Be the change, ya filthy animal.

If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you, son/If you need to talk or just vent, I'm your dad and you can talk to me about anything

I just replied to an e-mail from my mom with "Unsubscribe"

No Rap Or Country For Old Men

A rat just saw me.

No one J.D. should have all that power and associates.

Fool me once, you're a ninja. Fool me twice? You're a warlock ninja. Fool me three times, I will join your cause. This is unprecedented.

Pretty stupid that "sequestering" doesn't mean riding a seahorse.

Probably my favorite thing about twitter is all the scrolling.

:) It doesn't matter to me how many followers you have. If you're nice to me, and you've got a good heart, you're getting blocked.

Big Mouth Billy is deceiving at first bc you're like "Who would mount such a small fish?" Then it starts singing & you're like "I want that"

Can't wait to take eternity leave.

Rós, but no Sigur.

Sext: You peel back my foreskin to reveal a fiveskin. Under it is my sixskin. Under that is my rumpelstiltskin. We continue in this fashion.

I'm pretty random. *becomes a statue forever*

Ok, I've been walking around my neighborhood with this pedometer, and you would not believe how many pedophiles there are around here.

#DidYouKnow: Iceland is actually really *green* and Greenland is actually where I hid the *bodies*

I have mixed drinks about feelings.

Oh cé can yon Be/Be the yon cé-ly light/Yon cé proudly Be hail/At Beyoncé's last gleaming ♫