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I think it's safe to assume every person you see on TLC is doing something disgusting and illegal in their free time
To understand human nature, look how worn out the elevator's "close the door" button is compared to the "keep the door open" button.
If Thomas Jefferson heard Jeb Bush call science "intellectual arrogance," he'd throw up. And then he'd go, "Holy shit, I'm in the future!"
Ah, sweet memories... https://twitter.com/SenTedCruz/status/596034219882749952 …
On the bright side, selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
My thoughts and prayers are with those who have fewer twitter followers than me. And to those who have more: sad, lifes more than twitter.
At least Josh Duggar's not around a lot of kids-- oh wait.
Finally finished my Letterman submission packet!!!
Selfie sticks are officially banned in more places than assault rifles.
THIS PHOTO IS A PERFECT SUMMATION OF SHOW-BUSINESS. MUST CLICK. https://twitter.com/Robburnett1/status/601456712046882816 …
Asking me to rate my customer experience decreases my customer experience by 100%.
If you try to torture a bull to death I hope it wins.
"You're either making things happen or you're watching things happen." - my Uber driver
Jeb, stick to politics and leave science to the scientists.
Writer for Family Guy
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