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Living in LA I’ve seen some crazy hipster shit, but the girl today at the gym drinking water out of a glass mason jar wins the prize.
Every TV commercial is really an ad for a DVR.
hey listen. you gotta do what u gotta do baby :)
You know everything that could go wrong has when you see someone carrying a case of beer on a bicycle.
"Can I be a court stenographer?"
"Can you look like you're pretending to type even though you're actually typing?"
"Caution: Men Working" signs could really just stop at "Caution: Men."
As far as I can tell, Focus is a movie about The Sunglass Hut.
Girl: I love you so much. I'd do anything for you.
Guy: Would you lose 5 pounds?
Girl: Rot in hell, you fucking fuck!
illegal immigrants don’t deserve benefits, unlike me, who fell out of my mom’s vagina on the correct side of an imaginary line
If only the US could figure out how to tap into our massive reserve of unhinged dipshits.
Writer for Family Guy
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