Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
it's imperative that you not make eye contact
when dealing w drunk people
Suicide is saying "I've seen enough" and leaving at intermission.
It seems way easier to be one of those dads who's never around, and then everyone forgives later on because he's "mellowed".
*holds up 2 ties*
which one, I have a big meeting today
"both are nice"
[wife calls later]
"how'd it go"
well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster
The best part of having erectile dysfunction must be all the fishing trips and outdoor baths.
The blueberry muffin I bought at starbucks has a John Mayer cd baked into it
Biker gangs are less scary when you realize they're basically doing a little parade.
You can tell my iguanas are like "This guy!" every time I invent a new flavor of vape oil .
About to act in a scene with the legendary Steve Guttenberg in a film about a giant spider made of lava. How's YOUR day going?
It's Saturday and we're from Arizona. How bout it, honey, let's drive aimlessly around LA today.
15 second ad before a video: No problem, I understand how business works.
30 second ad: I’ll burn you monsters to the ground!