#WhatMostWomenWant is Someone to fend off June bugs, Pick a Restaurant to eat at and open tight lids an bottle caps.

White girl vacation cornrows <

Deaf people who watch Tv with subtitles must think rappers are really fucking dumb.

Just overheard a girl complaining on the bus because she looked like shit when the Google street view car passed by.

"Cut My Frog Into Pieces,This is my lab Report,Asian Parents,No Slacking,Don't Give A fuck If My Social Life Is Slacking" -Asian Paparoach

My book "Fifty Shades of Day" didn't sell so well.

Oh you use a blackberry? Would you be interested in buying my VCR ?

P as in Pterodactyl #ThingsThatPissOffTelemarketers

Girl at the bookstore - "You don't look like the type that reads..." Me - "Don't judge a book by it's cover"

How tough am I? Today I stepped on a lego...On purpose

Twitter: A place where risqué tweets about not wearing pants & asking to cuddle with complete strangers is completely normal

This morning I may as well be Chris Brown and my snooze button may as well be Rihanna

The 2 week waiting period for a haircut to look good afterwards <

This whole staying up late and waking up early thing is getting old. Actually It's probably just me that's getting old.

I put my onesies on one leg at a time, just like everyone else

I don't have a friend naned Ruth so technically speaking yes I am Ruthless

If you can't take the Tweet, stay out the Twitchen.

Bumgardener ? I'm sure when he's not jumping off the edge of space he can be found growing his Cubumbers, Fartichokes, Asspargus & Arsenip .

When I'm sad I like to go for drives on my mope-ped

Finallyyyyy convinced someone that there is dance moves to Oh Canada...the best part is that he writes his Immigration test next week.