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Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Chillin at the mall...early...prime time for scopin out dad butts/calves...they got nothin on me...
Sorry I got my period on your favorite wig.
I have the body type of a caterpillar that loves Mountain Dew.
I am like if bad news could walk and talk and be chubby.
I wish Marky Mark would finger me on a damn rollercoaster like in that movie "Fear" instead of my cousin Reginald on a trampoline.
”So who's ready to fuck!!?!”
-Me, at the petting zoo, then later that same day in jail.
Your podcast killed my father.
My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.
Nutrition question: how many calories are in a wig?
All this blow-up doll needs is the ability to emasculate me in front of friends and it will be just like the real thing!
I wish Pitbull was my dad so I'd never see him ever again.
While you're watching a sportsball foot game, I'm making sex at a real-life human girl, I assure you.
"Self-awareness is everything," I whisper to myself, tucking my huge penis into my $500 slacks.
do drugs?no way. i'd never have time to "trip on wax" or "have a pot cigar" because i'm way too busy "getting stoner" on good clean fun gang
I only brush the teeth that people can see...which is none, because smiling is a sign of weakness.
"Live each day as if it's your las--
What ever happened to clouds 1-8?
he died doing what he loved: playing lawn darts at night
what is your favorite movie about lamb silence
#1. standup comic. writer ordinaire. prolific failure. wolf. danny writes his bio in the 3rd-person & pretends someone else did it. people say danny's damn cool