Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Do I always wear a leopard-spotted fannypack, you ask? Oh, I don't know, does a fart smell like air from an asshole?
My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.
a mustache is just mouth bangs
I just wanna live long enough to see the pope fly away from an important speech on a jet pack.
I only brush the teeth that people can see...which is none, because smiling is a sign of weakness.
I occasionally drink every single night.
just drank a fifth of old Christmas tree water, dare me to drive
*leans in to my stepdad Terry in his casket*
"How much can you bench press now, though?"
Guy Fieri is like if early-90's clip art could walk and talk and flirt with your aunt.
I feel so sorry for Donald Trump's shampoo.
I'm sorry I missed the wedding, but I got really drunk off of wig-glue and cleaned my collection of binoculars for several hours.
I can't believe Thœd, the guy who trims my mullet on the mattress behind Red Lobster, can barely speak American.
*slides cat my phone number*
I only take Chantix for the "unusual dreams."
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
It wasn't so much a "first date" as it was a "holding in farts for 4 hours."
I got kicked out of another gang for wearing a fannypack while I mowed the lawn in front of the trap house.
No one likes my gasoline puns, but they get me pumped!
(My loneliness is paralyzing.)
Me (trying to flirt with a hot babe at a bar): "Hey, where are you going?"
President of Standup Comedy • Writer • Artist • Dad • Avid Reader of Smut • Danny writes his bio in the 3rd-person & pretends someone else did it.
Like @DanKCharnley’s tweets? Extend their Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Extend their Pro!