@DanKraft's (Dan Kraft) most faved Tweets...
My mother just yelled at me for eating chips before dinner. I can't wait until I'm 26 and I can do what I want as a grown up.
The lady texting while driving in the lane next to me is really starting to piss me off. Not safe at all.
I can't get to the brownies in the fridge because of all the beer in the way. I'm drinking my way through this problem. Expect results soon.
Those kids are way too small to make a dent in my front bumper. I don't know what that crossing guard is so worried about.
I'm glad you're putting that $1800 high powered laptop to good use here at starbucks watching cat videos on YouTube.
Went looking for a starbucks before my meeting. Got lost. Ended up at sea world. True story.
Florida is hard.
Florida is hard.
There's a Toyota Tacoma in front of me. Only the 'm' and the 'a' are broken off. So it's a Toyota Taco which is way more awesome.
"what are your long term goals with the company?"
"disregard females and obtain currency."
"I can't put that on your review dan."
"disregard females and obtain currency."
"I can't put that on your review dan."
Just watched the left 4 dead 2 intro, then was yelled at for running around the house in sweat pants with the boner I got from the intro.
The worst part of this 94 degree rainy rush hour traffic is how smug everyone looks with their fancy pants functional air conditioning.
look, i like playing video games 8 hrs per day and you like reality shows about large families. we obviously need 2 tv's in the living room.
If you can't spell customer service properly why would we hire you for the "costumer servise" job you're applying for?
Is there a list for me to follow that is all twitpics of favstar chicks I think are hot in slutty Halloween costumes?
My Twitter stream is all fucked up.
Just like my real life stream after I had all that unprotected sex in college.
Hello? Anyone there?
Just like my real life stream after I had all that unprotected sex in college.
Hello? Anyone there?
Jeez it's hot today. Anyone know where I can get some shamwow underwear? If not, I have a great idea for a new product.
Sarah palin is doing a book signing down the road causing traffic to back up for miles. Better her fuck up one day of mine than 4 years.
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