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A woman driving in front of me indicated a left turn & she actually turned left. How am I supposed to prepare myself for these mind games?
People who write hai and bai, wai?
-Boss: "Send me one of your funny tweets"
-Me: "I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"
-Boss: "Hahaha! Send me another one."
Facebook needs an "I've already seen this on Twitter" button.
It's not you, it's just some of the stuff you do. And say. And think. And believe. And listen to. And read. And wear. And eat. That's it.
If a girl likes you she'll show it by not showing it. That's when you really know. Of course it could also mean she doesn't like you at all.
People who write thanQ, fuQ.
Horny chickens want the ديك.
People always appreciate how honest I am until I'm honest about them.
I have a black eye in martial arts.
What's Batman's favorite vegetable?
"lakena ahjkfjkghjkoitfhjkkhvhjjjbhjj" -waiter repeating an order
Don't waste your Twitter on life.
#PornHasTaughtMe A babysitter usually masturbates instead of actually looking after your baby.
Curiosity killed the cat, but I'd like to know how.
Jesus turned water into wine.
My girlfriend turns oxygen into whine.
Your move, Jesus.
Cab driver: Bta3rif adde sarle chauffeur taxi?
Me: Nazzelne 3mol ma3rouf.
A misunderstanding between two people.
It's sad that some people will never know how much you hate them.
How do you pronounce the * in "f*ck"?