hello sir, i'd like to get my "no regrets" tattoo removed

*bites an onion* damn this apple is so indie

if drugs aren't cool then why are they so cool

it's so hot in here the clocks are melting on this stupid painting i stole

damn don't u hate it when someone replies to a heartfelt text with "k" then in the next text adds "ill yourself"

i've got 99 problems but some of them could turn into positives if i start seeing them as challenges instead

don't do drugs bc they could kill you. life will definitely kill you though so stop living too

there's a lotta phallic symbolism going on in orchestras. especially those guys playing the dildo

just a reminder that 6+6+6 = (4+2+0) + (4+2+0) + (4+2+0) i cant repeat this enough

girl, are u a kleptomaniac? cos u keep stealing my heart. and car, money, alcohol etc.

didnt wonka create some sort of balls that you could suck forever

can't believe there are still #atheists out there. it's called the GOD particle for a reason, idiot fuckeres. go reed a Bible #cern

i thought corporations were bad but then i saw they use Cool Teen Language like 'rad'. i identify with this and now i buy all their products

girl why u so hot??? girl, why am i orbiting u once a year

@michaeljackson how did you tweet this i thoughyt y ou were dead

.@oprah im horny

@realcapncrunch my wife of 53 years has left me I'm crying into my anime pillow what should i do captain crunch

Wow can you imagine how cool a worm would look in full denim body attire and a cigarette in its mouth

'finger hugs' sounds better than 'holding hands' everyone call it that from now on

"long time no see" - a blind caveman