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Had a fiber bar and a macchiato so I should be shitting my pants in this Target in no time.
So, like, are we supposed to follow Taye Diggs back, orrrr....?
Look, if you ride the subway during rush hour, you're gonna get some genitals rubbing up on ya. It's a fact.
MISSED CONNECTION: You, senior pit-mix outside my cafe. Me, I walked by & said "Hey cutie!" & your dumb owner thought I was talking to him.
Oh cool! My dog just told me he wants to be gluten and dairy-free. 😐
Oh cool! I have a new OCD where each time I tear off the toilet paper it has to be perfectly along the perforated line.
Sometimes at work I invite everyone into the kitchen to play "Did Someone Take a Sh*t or is Beth Eating Egg Salad Again?!"
Spider-vein treatment - but for weiners.
GOOD NEWS! Got a seat on the bus this am. BAD NEWS! My shoulder is acting as a penis rest for the guy standing next to me.
I did 2 push-ups this afternoon and I'm friggin' exhausted. G'night everyone.
Arguing with my dog right now cos he says he wants a tattoo.
So what's everyone doing tonight?
Our butts are basically the same thing as a trash chute, no?!
I was 24 when I learned my pee hole is separate from the other one and I love spaghetti & meatballs. Vine: Dana Bruno