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Complimented my cashier at Bed Bath & Beyond on the hue of his hickey but he didn't find it amusing.
The face I make when eating spaghetti & meatballs is the same face a heroin user makes after taking a hit.
RELATIONSHIP GOALS: A second date
Ok, I have an idea! Hear me out.
We all tell ISIS we have the same beliefs as them. Then... boom! They leave us alone.
Please donate to my Kickstarter so I can get a haircut. Thx
Saw a pic on FB of my high school sweetheart wearing camo pants and a "Trump for President" shirt. His dog has on the same shirt.
OHHH now I get why Rep's don't want to ban guns! If a black man has the right to carry and states he's carrying, cops can just shoot him.
We all require the same necessities for survival. We all have feelings. We all have these things in common. We all are human beings.
"I just don't know what it is but anytime I see a guy wearing sunglasses in a club I want to have sex with him" - no woman ever
A newborn on the train keeps staring at me and it's getting annoying. It's like, grow up dude so you can buy a camera and take a pic.
Boober: My new car service where all the drivers are big-chested.
Imagine being a dog and having your butthole exposed like 24/7.
Gregg's with 3 G's need to chill the hell out.
Work was good today because I didn't wear a bra.
I just licked an envelope for the first time in 18 years and I'm so afraid I'll die like Susan on Seinfeld.
I was 24 when I learned my pee hole is separate from the other one and I love spaghetti & meatballs. Vine: Dana Bruno
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