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The security guard at Bed, Bath & Beyond told me my shorts are "mesmerizing" - so there's that...
Up 9 lbs in only 4 weeks! Took a lot of late night eating/inactivity but I did it! If ur struggling w/ becoming a fat ass, don't lose hope!
I'm gonna get Brian Williams to report on my sex life.
Definitely no shortage of nose-pickers on the train today.
Women who grew up having a proper male role model in your life - what was that like?
Ppl kept pushing on the train today. I panicked & yelled "Stop it, I'm pregnant!" so I'll be faking a pregnancy the next 9 months.
The only reason I can hold a job is bc I have to pee so bad in the a.m. I'm forced out of bed. Figure I may as well go to work since I'm up.
Happy Palm Sunday to all the single guys out there.
I was not on the couch a total of 2.25 hrs today. Things are looking up!
"eating Indian food" is now apparently "eating Brian good" - thank you autocorrect.
Billie Holidays' full name was William Holiday.
My safe word is 'buttermilk'
Signed up on FetLife so I can find a slave to do my laundry.
Look, if following a strange man home, because he smells nice, is wrong then I don't want to be right.
CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP: my eating motto.
Was on a work-related conference call from home and forgot to mute when I flushed the toilet. So there's that...
What's that thing called where every time you stand up you have to limp for the first minute? Oh yeah…39
Not saying I'm considering it... but, what kind of medical and dental do ISIS provide?
I was 24 when I learned my pee hole is separate from the other one and I love spaghetti & meatballs. Vine: Dana Bruno
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