Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Probs would've enjoyed that massage more had the guy's forehead sweat not been dripping on my back.
Having twins must be so exciting until you have to leave the hospital and take care of them.
It's getting crazy over on FB right now. People are "liking" Lysol left and right.
If Stephen Hawking's digital voice synthesizer had a British accent, he'd be so much hotter.
I was already warned by my Aunt that I "better wear a bra to Thanksgiving dinner." This is such bullsh*t.
Starting a "headshots" business for guys who send dick pics. There's a lot of wieners out there and you want yours to stand out!
Another 10 lbs or so and you're gonna see me on ABC getting lifted out of my apartment by a forklift.
Some guy yelled "Garfield" at me when I was walking to the train. It does not feel good to be a victim of catcalling.
My neighbor got all bent out of shape when I changed the "K" to a "T" on her "LOST KITTY" poster. Like, relax lady it was just a joke.
More like ERECTION Day, am I right?! Haha!
...Oh. It was yesterday?
*Deletes Twitter account*
Really been getting into acquisitions and mergers lately.
I was 24 when I learned my pee hole is separate from the other one and I love spaghetti & meatballs. Vine: Dana Bruno