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I remember years ago, being anxious to progress in therapy so I could "feel something." What an idiot.
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: Replace all guns with hot dogs!
Fella's - Don't waste your money on flowers, dinners and fancy gifts. Want her to fall in love with you? Ignore her.
Hey single guys - If I ask to pet your dog, it has everything to do with the dog and nothing to do with you. Trust me.
I'm going to make a great 2nd wife one day.
Does anyone else get dizzy from all the scrolling on our phones??
I hit that point where I have to wake up to pee 2-3 times a night. So, to avoid it, I don't drink anything 3 days before I go to sleep.
Went on a first date last night and it went really well! I think he's gonna love the collage I made of his FB photos. 😍😍
Tinder. But for guys to come over and kill bugs.
Siri, can I be the little spoon tonight?!
Never thought I could eat a whole box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in one sitting. Yet here we are...
NOTHING HELPS ME GET MY ERRANDS DONE QUICKER THAN ESPRESSO AND COCAINE!!!
The nude beach sounds so exciting! Until I think about all the hair removal prep involved. No, thank you.
Shouldn't it be called Unplanned Parenthood?!
I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the acting in corporate videos.
We had to watch a harassment video at work today. I have committed every single act of harassment that was in the video.
I was 24 when I learned my pee hole is separate from the other one and I love spaghetti & meatballs. Vine: Dana Bruno
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