“@jenbradly: A lump of ice the exact size & shape of the inside of a bucket has fallen into the bucket in our garden! #creationistlogic”

I hope Luke and those pesky rebels behave themselves today while the Empire is voting in a new Emperor.

I sweat a lot more when I wear a fleece, even when I am not warm. I am glad I am not a sheep. A lonely, society shunned sheep.

RT @elliottclarkson: I saw a puddle that looked EXACTLY like a ninja. Look. http://twitpic.com/2my37x (via @thefagcasanova)

I am cold today. I am taking off all of my clothes so I can put them on when I go to the shop later. That way I'll fully feel the benefit.

@mcruthie You are all loonbags

I want you to imagine your parents completely naked. Then remember that you used to live in their genitals. You are welcome.

“@jeanius1980: Dear Santa, seen as you won't be needing it anymore, any chance of having your list of naughty boys....?” ha ha ha

@realdenisewelch Hi Denise.... Would you do me a favour? Would you encourage your followers to listen to my podcast? http://t.co/gE2hi3F9

Why do drag queens always do two presses of the bell when they come to visit? The supposed man always rings twice.

Q: Do you know why Ming The Merciless used an iPhone? A: He agreed not to support Flash.

@rachelvspublic We should start a new social network where we vent our anger at other social networks. We could call it FaceBitter.

@taraflynn Unconfirmed reports that the rhythm damaged it's anterior cruciate ligament while attempting to "get" Gloria Estefan.

Bit of an odd shape, but I am quite happy! First sourdough @tillytoogood @@sherqui @likemamuse2bake @adrianshanahan pic.twitter.com/YkAkDsTi8N

I tried to make sourdough bread yesterday. Left it proving over night. Doesn't seem to have risen much. Is that normal?

@mazzyk @sillineysarah I am still limping.

@mazzyk @tvpsychologist @patomahony1 Good point. Well made. Makes note to self... Never trust Pat.

Don't you hate it when you think of a joke but consider it too saucy for twitter?

@taraflynn Someone could go leftfield and try White Smoke On The Water. #popefactor

The phrase is "hoist by your own petard" not "hoisted". You have been hoist by your own pedant.