Now noticing that she was the one. On a scale of 1-10.

I found out why they're called Ugg boots! That's the noise guys make when they see girls wearing them.

CU. Keeping annoying girls out of CSU since 1877.

I didn't shower today because all the girls i'm trying to impress live in London. And i have a couple days till they can smell me.

@smoshian Looks as if their french fries... Were never fresh and always frozen. YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

I found a small bag of hair in a pair of jeans i wore in middle school. I don't know who's it is but it tasted fine.

I wonder if Jonny Craig still feels her in the county jail.

Got pulled over and the cop asked why i was going 90 in a 65. All i could say was "Sorry, shuffle played Milk Lizard."

If Hank Hill was a pro wrestler, his name would be Propain.

I've never thought jokes about women drivers were funny. Nothing funny about it at all. It's beginning to be a serious problem.

Tonight is like a cops Black Friday.

Santa: Spends one day a year working... Spends 364 days judging you.

"Woah, that songs catchy. I'll just play it on repeat for the rest of the day." -Brains

Does anyone have Emma Watson's phone number? thanks

Boobytrap is Partyboob backwards.

Got caught ridin' dirty. :(

I need to stop telling girls they look good when they dont

I find it Odd How People Shake.

Do the french get english phrases tattooed on thier ribs?

My name doesn't rhyme with anything that's not embarrassing.