Just found Tillamook cheese. It's a zombie Jesus miracle. (at @wholefoods Market w/ 3 others)  http://4sq.com/14ClWpa 

@bigbossbeer @cltlocalvore #HarvestTime is not just the best Pumpkin Ale ever.. It is the BEST BEER EVER.

"only time will tell if this was the right decision on my part" And my political aspirations are still in tact! Fuck justice #WM3.

Speed trap west 540 at lumly overpass. About 10 RPD cars.

@imadesomething Rihanna was not on American Idol. Chris Daughtry, Carrie underwood, Kelly pickler, and clay Aiken were and don't autotune

@imadesomething It is called 'edging' look it up. Doing long jerk sessions increases stamina and after an hour of edging massive orgasms.

Let em have sex on your living room floor once and they break out in show tunes.

@auroraskyband: #FF @brianbasher @therockstarlet @musicchoice @thekatt @q101chicago @awayteammusic @djashba @paparoach @messagetovenus.

Bros, never let a girl see you sweat. Unless you are on top of her.

For #CanadaDay, I'll be using Maple syrup as a lube while "makin' (Canadian) bacon" with hooker that has a Justin Bieber mask on.

I refuse to swallow my pride. The last thing I need in my diet right now is more empty calories.