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  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    Just made cookies! Oops this isn't Facebook. I meant to say, I think I just got a sock pregnant.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666ZedRebelCseashellsFredPollackSheila_Mac420ScreaminMomX25hanersCupton21
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    madrigrobercrystalwhite3014wards1greggifiedfokmRachelsRantingsKDsMorningfavstar100
    mdvaldosta
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    I trust kids in hoodies more than I trust men in suits!

    • 79
    • FAVS
    Not_From_TroyBeenToHellPalmadrigroberDads_SecretZedRebelFredPollackCupton21DatBarberCanCut
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    BeenToHellPalmadrigrobermaryjensen72ScottFitzTaylorraineymarieBigBang60008bitN8brothasoul
    brothasoul
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    My 3yr old girl is running around the house singing: sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes you don't, Almond Joys got nuts "MOM'S"don't.

    • 79
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalCseashellsFredPollackScreaminMomX2ShaunNaNaDElepharttoddintime1FirstThoughts
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    toddintimespockerzPurpleSwtPotatobarringer29CM2BTTHDfavstar50hisredjunenana_Ooh
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    I'm coming out to my parents tonight. I'm not Gay, but they're Homophobic Assholes so they deserve it anyway.

    • 67
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalmadrigroberHeyZeus666ZedRebelSheila_Mac420ScreaminMomX2timisnutsShaunNaNaD
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    BeenToHellPalmadrigrobercharlzeroluvliveeFavstar_NSFWavoirdelespoirIDigYourGFNinjaITguy
    athntk
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    It's just called MARRIAGE not Gay Marriage, Straight Marriage or Catholic Marriage. No one owns it. Everyone who wants it should have it.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666Dads_SecretgottahavheartSheila_Mac420xXxCraigIeroxXxdanithegeekgirlosigatbombscribe
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    gottahavheartgrammar_cuntUntamableToyDisrespexualgoodballsMobiliarbus_MJMomofDivas2FREDI_ALCAZAR
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    When are we gonna change the handicap parking symbol from a person in a wheelchair to just a obese person?

    • 52
    • FAVS
    WorshipMyVaginaBeenToHellPalHeyZeus666CseashellsSheila_Mac420ElephartLakeOconeeBldrcourtneyno
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    BeenToHellPalfavstar50sarahscho13greggifiedLordFroyNotReallyEliseajcave76mdvaldosta
    mdvaldosta
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    I can put on a meat dress & tweet "follow your dreams". But I won't get 8000 RT's like LadyGaga. I've tried.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalCseashellsScreaminMomX2xXxCraigIeroxXxjennifer_merielShaunNaNaDElephartday_viss
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    Lola_AreolagmossiimadrigroberJstraw94notkevinbarboTFrissMrSandeepPdsduby
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    MAN! That dude will do anything to make KONY famous

    • 41
    • FAVS
    Sheila_Mac420ElephartMR_SHAWNBOGGSMelAlmightyKalliWowPatStar14BensonNHVoiceofgarth
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    QuityerbitchenjojoxxRamblingMachineameo02LukeSkycockerCandy_grrlfavstar_popNatKingKoleton__
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    If my tweets got out on Facebook, I'd lose all my friends, my family would disown me, and I'd lose my job. Almost seems worth it.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    Sheila_Mac420xXxCraigIeroxXxShaunNaNaDElephartcourtneynoTattooedMiseryMikeSainsMelAlmighty
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    FaheemMeerPurpleSwtPotatoKDsMorningTheBlexicanQuityerbitchen
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    If guys had menstrual periods, every public bathroom wood have at least 5 used tampons stuck to the ceiling.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalxXxCraigIeroxXxShaunNaNaDElephart1FirstThoughtsMelAlmightyVagiNarcissistJMFingSparks
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    FaheemMeerJMFingSparksJerrySuneaglefavstar_popTrashSavantFartBurglarSaraESpiveyBlackGodSon
    JerrySuneagle
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    If you're heading to Vegas any time soon, beware of the toilets! My wife just got back and caught Herpes from one.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    xXxCraigIeroxXxShaunNaNaDElephartcourtneynoseelady23MikeSainsMelAlmightyladyfiredancer
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    FaheemMeerwilykilynicfit75geez49swingcrusaderdsduby1Happytwit
    Voiceofgarth
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    Did you know there's a whole ward in the hospital, for women that have babies stuck in their vaginas.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    ShaunNaNaDElephartPulse_NYCtoddintimecourtneynoMelAlmightyKalliWowPatStar14
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    toddintimeFaheemMeerPsycholystholllyyxMs_MelissaTSh1tD1ckbamberfacedan_the_01
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    The average penis is 6". For every inch a guy has his truck lifted, subtract an inch.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalfuzziness_ScottLinnenGwinifergrammar_cuntMelodyAK47lastscepticknastycheap
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    BeenToHellPalknastycheap_That_Asshole3fi3dl3rgreggifiedfleming_shawnBooHooKittyFuckMeh_gi
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    If I win the $500,000 MegaMillions, I'm gonna fill my gas tank all the way.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalShaunNaNaDElepharttoddintime1FirstThoughtsLakeOconeeBldrcourtneynoMelAlmighty
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    TracyJo_NomDeAggieLiuakiVacationRenterPspenny36swingcrusaderCanadian_Hoserjavadave_
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    The only way Gay Marraige will effect your Straight Marraige, is if someone in your Straight Marraige is Gay.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    ScottLinnenSuMacDandepreciatedScreaminMomX2BooHooKittyFuckparruchkinCynner777cluelessdreamer
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    FUCKNWENDABooHooKittyFuckIlliter8cluelessdreamerJCDurginCodyDillionPspenny36ZedRebel
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    Hey "Teen Porn" producers, putting pigtails on a girl with C section scar & a Mötley Crüe tattoo, isn't fooling anyone.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    ShaunNaNaDElephart1FirstThoughtscourtneynoIlliter8seelady23Juliimonsterbluebomber55
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8Cheetoe4HunterPipeshookmeupinitGreenEyedJedisirshuckyNicksNTricks
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    If you object to gay marriage because you think their sex is gross then you must really object to fat & old people getting married.

    • 34
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalcharlzeroElephart1FirstThoughtsseelady23MelAlmightyKalliWowPatStar14
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    charlzeroFaheemMeerQuityerbitchenweeeoneedsdubyclarephile
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    Now Santorum wants to take away our porn! He will have to pry it from my cold dead hands. Although that may be easy with all the lube

    • 35
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPalxXxCraigIeroxXxElephartcourtneynoseelady23TattooedMiseryMelAlmightyHey_Yo_Mikey
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Jones4410__favstar_popChiefTwittlerWickedKatielil_dead_girl_
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    There's a gay guy that's had a crush on me for a long time. I'm going to have sex with him as an April Fools joke.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    BeenToHellPaltimisnutscharlzeroElephart1FirstThoughtsGhetto_TrophyJDlikethedrinkMizBlueBalls
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Stubbornly_gayGoodFriday78farleftcoastTeddyFatThax
  • DarinDagwood
      Dagwood @DarinDagwood

    I keyed a handicap persons car for parking in one of our spots.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    Elephart1FirstThoughtsfarleftcoastJakeDeanDouglasChar_is_ArdmellimelleLawbsterSaidTwyystedsister
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    mellimelleLadyDickasonpenguinbacontylerjoel22jpluskayQueenKillerBeeMidgetsparParentpains
@DarinDagwood

@DarinDagwood