Let's get this straight. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, that's your problem, not mine.

Waiting rooms don't need magazines, they need phone chargers.

And suddenly, all hell breaks loose.

I remember when I used to go out at this time. Now I just wish I could sleep.

It's called personal business because you're not supposed to share it with the public on facebook.

If your toes are long enough to be throwing up gang signs please don't wear flip flops. #freaks

There is something that is completely unsettling about hearing a camera shutter noise in a public restroom.

I am going to change my voicemail to: "Hang up & text me."

Why is it the people with the dumbest conversations are always speaking the loudest?

Sometimes, just sometimes, slapping him in the face and saying, 'shut your mouth, I'm driving' is much more fun than saying 'I love you'

Wanna hear something funny? Me too. So someone on here better get clever quick.

Any time I feel a little down on myself, I just go to walmart early in the afternoon, then I realize I'm pretty hot and high functioning.

Cell phones have ruined the fun of pushing a person into the swimming pool.

Rule #1: Have your shit together. Most of life's miseries can be avoided by following this one fucking rule people.

Madonna tickets, flowers and chocolate. Can't wait to get off work today!

When you have a sandal tan line in the winter, you have too much time on your hands.

You call it 'focused', I call it 'self absorbed'. Meh.

I see dumb people, they're everywhere. They walk around like everyone else. They don't even know that they are dumb.

On campus I like to play a game I call ,Maintenance, Custodial or Homeless.

I'm convinced that my phone is smarter than most of the people I know.