I serve germs tiny artisanal beers to make them regret all their terrible germ mistakes. At my microbe ruery.

 http://twitpic.com/b4nupd  This is what you get for pirating books (Salinger's Nine Stories).

I like my coffee like I like my "I like my coffee like I like my women" jokes: terrible

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if, though woefully unequipped for it, its need for self actualization hinged solely on the activity?

It's a glorious feeling, holding a @ieatanddrink original. pic.twitter.com/rUyiRENAss

shit is in a state of near-constant artificiality, punctuated by brief moments when it "gets real"

@spammm at twitterproblemsaccountsproblems

Yesterday my dad asked me what the English for "grim reaper" was. Today I discovered it was for a little poem he was writing... about Obama.

@pcsegal is that a severed erect penis in your pocket, or is that you own, attached erect penis in there

Beans, beans, the musical instrument. Put them in a tin can or plastic cup.

Phantom pain for my real friends, real pain for my phantom friends. Fuckin' phantoms.

(With, obviously, lyrics in Hebrew about graduating written by 12-year-olds.)

The elementary school under my window, a thousand curses on it, is using a karaoke version of Seven Nation Army in its graduation ceremony.

21 Jump Street is thus titled Macho and the Botan.

Contemporary Russian slang for nerd: "Botanic" (i.e. botanist). Even hipper contracted form: "Botan".

Parsley/Sage/Rose/Marry/Kill

Really? No Google hits for "paint and thinner reconciled"?

@warrenisdead "it's pronounced ibitha" KILL THE RICH

Now we have no jobs, no cash and no hope, and me, I feel also not so good.

madam, i'm adamantium