i fucking hate serious tweets, its like playing Bach on a kazoo

can we develop a star system in real life? just look at people hard in the eye and say "i appove of what you said stranger, you have worth"

keep underestimating me, its how i work best

will...not...be...led...by...penis. well maybe a bit

if i was more secure, i'd be a fuck load less interesting

you know what twitter? i dont want to talk about my genitals today

ladies, i must lick absinthe off you, for medicinal reasons...

nothing? no stars, mentions, dms or rts? fuck me, you people are hard work...

to make a lady #squirt is to know enlightenment and also fun scratch marks- lost Buddhist text

always the dm'er, never the dm'd....

fucking knackered. turns out cry wanking at your keyboard burns calories, electrolites and dignity

give me a min to get my soul together this morning, just need to work out where i left it

for me a complicated relationship is a sprained wrist

you see once you get over the sizable hump that NOT ONE of these tasty imaginary people is going to fuck you twitter is a dream bit like RL

a twitter relationship is like that blind old man and the monster in frankenstien. good chat that ends with a freakout and stick beating

my strategy is too aggressive

it says something about my life that a girl asked me "did you like that" and she meant a tweet "sigh"

misery loves company and chips and a fiesty redhead

i would, no word of a lie, have sex with Liam Neeson, my heterosexuality be dammed

assange was accused of rape!!! he is not some informational messiah held back by the man, hes a coward.