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Tired of old people telling me I'm attractive while girls my age tell me welcome to mcdonalds can I take your order
"Have sex with me or I will destroy you" somehow got equated with "perfect gentlemen," and holy shit how did someone ever think that was ok?
Hi, nice to meet you, my name *shoots self in the head*
*goes to heaven*
*looks back on life*
I guess I maybe could have done that better
*stays over at girl's room until 1am*
*spends entire time discussing stocks, bonds, and Game of Thrones*
Ever notice how Dan Ryan Expressway is an anagram for Ayn Rand Warp Sex Yes? Makes you think.
Someone please kill me and replace me with somebody cool.
...or let me double down and reach Wes Anderson + Michael Cera levels of awkward
Drinking wine and eating fondue. Just need to join a book club and I think I'm legally a mom
No relation to Andy Kaufman.
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