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Tired of old people telling me I'm attractive while girls my age tell me welcome to mcdonalds can I take your order
Hi, nice to meet you, my name *shoots self in the head*
*goes to heaven*
*looks back on life*
I guess I maybe could have done that better
Ever notice how Dan Ryan Expressway is an anagram for Ayn Rand Warp Sex Yes? Makes you think.
"Just Biden my time, Barry"
Joe if you keep saying that I'm gonna have to kick you out.
"Well, I guess this is good byeden"
GET OUT GET OU
Who has political influence over the Iranian elitists and made you Supreme Leader in authoritarian Iran, effectively making u king?
*looks around the room, shuffles feet awkwardly* "..more like, hbo no." *drops mic, leaves room*
What does a tongue in a doctors office and myself have in common?
We're both depressed!
*cue 90's sitcom laugh-track*
No Ted and Victoria are breaking up! This is the worst! Also happened like 6 years ago! 😥