Talked to someone I didn't like because I was told she was nice, she replies "I am married", shot down by someone I wasn't hitting on hurts

If celebrities had real problems like how to survive until next pay, I might care about their advice on life

Reading Twitter at work has distracted me from doing crosswords at work

Going to bed alone again, I send my love out to all the sexually frustrated Twitter women out there who live a safe distance from me

There are many people I wish would join twitter just so I could unfollow them.

The dog just got more action with that flea bath than I've had in years

Sometimes insanity seems to get the best of me and I spend the next day wondering what hole I dug for myself and how I can avoid it.

I'd love to start dating some of the women around here but don't have any crack cocaine to offer

Why do old people prefer perfume that smells like bug repellent? Nylons with an open toe shoe looks weird too. *stuck in waiting room*

Just barely made it to work on time; would they understand "had to star tweets" as an excuse for being late?

A stunningly gorgeous co-worker is dating a line cook because no one else showed interest in her - going to smash my head against bricks BRB

Co-Worked just compared Nickleback to AC/DC. My absolute stunned expression passed as interest in his rambling.

I'm starring everything tonight that my ADHD mind can read through to the end. I feel like Roger Ebert on Amphetamines.

My new home is very close to an ice rink so I shouldn't be surprised to see weird people in hockey masks, chainsaws, bloody knives

Sometimes starring Tweets is like a HS yearbook. "I was here, but now I'm gone, I left my name to turn you on"

New TweetDeck now lets you update MySpace as well as FB, kind of like throwing a bone to the forgotten child

I hate the time of year when socks once again becomes a staple in the wardrobe.

I consider myself well behaved at work tonight, it's hard to piss people off when I'm just reading Twitter

Ok, I have the Google Wave invite, logged in, just like I expected I'm playing with myself again - that was worth it...

What would be the best way to waste my 500th Tweet? Oh nevermind...