@DavySunshine's (Dave S) most faved Tweets...
In a résumé, should expired and/or lifted restraining orders be listed under "Honors & Awards" or "Achievements"? I'm never quite sure...
I love the birds' excitement at this hour. Of course, when a worm passes as fine dining, the "excitement" bar is set pretty low...
I predict someone will tell you a lame joke today. Now, instead of forcing a laugh, you can just stare at 'em & say "I was told about you."
I have a clear recollection of the 1st time an adult explained Groundhog Day to me. It was the 1st time I knew I was smarter than a grownup.
Upon further reflection, I did not "fall off" the playground equipment. I made an unscheduled dismount.
Some kid said something to me about Santa being "fake" -- but I'm pretty sure he was just trying to scam my spot in line to see him.
Daytime meds have 12-hr dose. Nighttime meds have 8-hr dose. I reckon that leaves me 4 hrs to drink whiskey.
When u have 1 of those fish thingies on your car, it's imperative that u drive graciously. Otherwise, I'll blame Jesus.
You kids really shouldn't play in the street after dark... but, if you do, I'm gonna ask that you wear these black sweatshirts.
Sometimes I "forget" stuff on purpose, so I can snag a bonus goodbye kiss from my wife. She humors me.
I think people who try hard ought to be respected, admired, nurtured, encouraged, emulated -- and sometimes mocked.
Whoa! Since when did Ringo become "the cute one" -- and Paul "the creepy-looking one"? Age makes mischief, once again...
Have you ever tried to sneeze with your eyes open? I don't recommend it. (Just dislocated two vertebrae & a houseplant.)
Overheard big bro (8 yrs old?) telling his sis (4 yrs old?): "I will tell Santa, and Santa will tell Satan. So stop crying." #Theology
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