*tried to save spider*
*spider still bites my foot*
Go to Hell, spider!

I hate it when Nigerians hack into my account - @faisaladam_ and me switched for the last 24 hours, thus my lame tweets :)

booty had me like pic.twitter.com/IfpP0dxq7C

My dogs think it's time for bed and they are never wrong. Wish I could get them to handicap a few races. Night all.

booty had me like pic.twitter.com/k4U4kROPst

Rumors of me being alive have been greatly exaggerated.

Your stupid fish killed Jesus.

Never give up, keep on frying. Talking about cookin'.

Maybe tomorrow I'll get a job offer!

(This has been in my drafts folder for 6 months)

"catch ya on the flip side" pancake

*send*

Waits......

i think twitter is for laughing, crying, and information.

I lost a bunch of flowers when I was drunk.
That's not a typo.
I have no fuvking idea where my flowers are at.

How old is too old to... HA nevermind I'm gonna fucken do it anyway.

Smart. Smile. Smegma HAHA Smegma

I will be listening to last call w/ @brittanyherself and participating in a live SC chat at 9. This could get confusing.

@dawnloveszombie Yes. Happy Dorks.

@dawnloveszombie We are dorks!

My phone ran out of juice and my kids have taken over all of the chargers.

gay guy: *breathes*
white girl: omg ur so sassy lets be bff lets go shopping

I don't have time to give a fuck because I'm too busy trying to talk you into one