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*tried to save spider*
*spider still bites my foot*
Go to Hell, spider!
My dogs think it's time for bed and they are never wrong. Wish I could get them to handicap a few races. Night all.
Rumors of me being alive have been greatly exaggerated.
Your stupid fish killed Jesus.
Never give up, keep on frying. Talking about cookin'.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get a job offer!
(This has been in my drafts folder for 6 months)
"catch ya on the flip side" pancake
i think twitter is for laughing, crying, and information.
I lost a bunch of flowers when I was drunk.
That's not a typo.
I have no fuvking idea where my flowers are at.
How old is too old to... HA nevermind I'm gonna fucken do it anyway.
Smart. Smile. Smegma HAHA Smegma
My phone ran out of juice and my kids have taken over all of the chargers.
gay guy: *breathes*
white girl: omg ur so sassy lets be bff lets go shopping
I don't have time to give a fuck because I'm too busy trying to talk you into one
I write things, professional flasher, I'll shoot you with my Canon!! I'm also a stunt double for Jesus. My pet rock is a pebble without a cause. #secondcity