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Romney wanted to create more jobs. Concede Mitt and let us go to sleep so we can get up and go to work.
People all my life have called me a Superjew, but as far as I can tell my extraordinary power is to be first to say "what's that smell?"
If you're a parent and consider yourself "spiritual" and you don't use "I'm going to meditate" to go take a nap. You're doing it wrong.
I had breakfast in bed today and the people at Anthropologie were NOT happy about it.
"you know I have three kids right?" - me to my wife every time she tries to give me an entire episode recap of Parenthood.
Why did Breaking Bad end last night? Because no more Walter White after labor day. Breaking: Bad joke
When you're young you're worried about not having evening plans. When you're older you're worried your plans are going to confirm.
Wait, if I don't have an assistant, who have I been forwarding all my emails to?
Most of the people in LA are the type of people who try to get on a guest list for benefit show.
"No listening to stand up comedy until you've finished your homework!" - something I yelled at my 7 yr old son. Being a parent is weird.
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