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Hope everyone's Christmas was ALL BALLS!!
Nothing in the assault weapon ban about Potato Guns
The dude riding his Jetski around the Statue of Liberty during Hurricane Sandy = ALL BALLS
I still love Amanda Knox but when I beat it to that new redhead Wendy's spokesman chick I nut like a goddamn wild cat.
My new Thanksgiving drink is called an "ALL BALLS"- do a shot of Wild Turkey then chase it with a shot of gravy. HELL YEAH
Sometimes I get a little bummed out about my hearing.
Part of me wants to take my potato gun to Coachella and blast all the people who think they're hot shit b/c of their hearing.
This bar's got more Tang than the powdered drink aisle at Costco.
The dude that was hospitalized at U of Tennessee for butt-chugging was butt-chugging WINE. That's JV. That's AMATEUR HOUR bro.
Looked at a pretty sweet Crown Vic at a police auction and this cop is giving me the hard sell and I'm all, "Bro, just show me the Car Fax."
Let's be thankful that those Pilgrims were able to drink the Indians under the table so they could make good land deals and shit.
I just had to tell this bro, "Bro, I'm not your bro, bro."
Hope everyone has a fun and safe AMATEUR NIGHT
My first goal for 2013 is to do a standing 69er.
Sometimes I get a little bummed out that we have to choose a president who is either a Mormon or a Muslim.
Sometimes I get a little bummed out that there's no Olympics for pounding ice cold brews and doing funnels and bong-hits and shit.
"Behind every open heart is a story".
-Taco Bell Executive Chef Lorena Garcia
Thx for all ur thoughts and prayers. I will beat this crabs thing.