Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you're thinking of having kids - go to Chuck-E-Cheese on a Saturday. You'll leave there and buy a dog - or jump off a cliff.
Your birth certificate is really like an apology letter from Trojan
Judging by the amount of times I've dropped my phone today, I probably shouldn't hold any babies. Ever.
Yes, please continue to tell me how I should feel. When you're done, I'll tell you how to violently shove your head up your ass.
I find it amazing that Latinos in this area pretend to not speak a word of English. I bet if you fuck up their paycheck they'd learn quick.
Guys, wash your balls. They smell like a dirty hamster cage - Sincerely, women blowing you
Guys, here's a hint: If something's bugging me, all I need is to voice my opinion. I don't need you to fix it, just listen. Seriously.
I don't know what you are, but I'll fucking eat you too!
Just once I want to see 'those people' learn the difference between to and too. Am I asking too much? See, there's an example. As you were.
Well, I'm off to see the wizard. Bitch owes me money.
Just saw a cop at Subway that was young, good looking and in great shape. Must have been an acid flashback cause that's just not possible.
5. Since I can's be as good, smart or as perfect of a person as you think you are - ill try to be as hateful, rude and spiteful. That works.
I spend at least 85% of my time wondering what the fuck is wrong with people and the other 15% praying that it's fatal but not contagious.
Dodgeball - teaching kids it doesn't pay to suck, one beatdown at a time
I have a feeling that my "bitch button" is going to be worn out by the end of the day
I'd love to give a shit about your problems, but it seems I've already reached my daily limit on my own!
It's time to move. This bitch upstairs always sounds like she's dragging dead bodies across the floor. Oh no, I'm next huh?
I've always wanted to punch someone in the face then sing "you've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal"
Text messaging has become the greatest enabler of the coward. For fuck's sake, grow a pair.
What's in your rapture survival kit?
Mostly innapropriate, often times cynical, composer of convoluted introspections and cerebral nonsense. That, and sarcasm. Find me on Tumblr, I'm out.