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I just wanna be so drunk that I can't even remember my own name
Want to lose 10 pounds fast? Cut off your head the weight will just fall right off!!
What its not like you're using that thing anyways.
Fortune Cookie: "Bread today is better then cake tomorrow".
I think I just got called fat by a Fortune Cookie.
Today has been a 2 Vicodin kinda day.
So who can tell me what time McDonalds starts serving breakfast??
I took a 3 hour nap today it was magical!!
I just can't look at Oprah's jiggly arm fat anymore, someone send her a Shake Weight STAT!
Ah Halloween the one day a year you're allowed to be as slutty as you want, so live it up ladies!
After 2 weeks of wating for walmart to restock their crap, today I finally got MY MAGICAL UNICORN PILLOW PET!!!
Just walking into Walmart makes me feel all stabby.
Drugs are so wonderful!
I dont know about you but my Boob's are really excited about Halloween!
Glitter Hides a World of Sins.
all of our spoons are dirty so I'm eating yogurt with a fork #thuglife
I'm not allowed to do drug deals from home anymore, how ever will I make my living now?
Is it time to get drunk yet?
I found my missing flask and its full of Vodka, so I guess thats my Friday night now.
He's not really a bat #batmanspoilers
I follow so many funny talented people on here, its gonna be hard unfollowing them all.
anybody want to go to the strip club tomorrow?
Angry & Easily Confused. Overthinker Extraordinaire. Not well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others. Semi-Professional Maker of Food.