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This is not Facebook and I am not your friend.
Instead of getting married for a 5th time, I'm just gonna meet somebody I don't like and buy them a house.
Toy stores now have "Divorced Barbie" . She comes with all of Ken's stuff.
I love my mom. We're really close.....genetically.
It was so hot today that fire hydrants were fighting over dogs.
My mother used to say "Why can't you be like the neighbors' kids?" and we lived next to an abortion clinic.
The recession is so bad that more wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
It's not PC to called them "Zombies". They're the "Living Impaired".
Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
My first sexual experience was rape. Luckily he didn't press charges.
Movie theater manager, 78, died today. Funeral home viewings will be at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50.
It's so cold tonight, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his OWN pockets.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.
Now Palins' son has a gal pregnant out of wedlock. Drop the abstinence b.s. already!
When politicians want to run the US like it is a business, we are in trouble.
There's a huge gap between Madonna and her young boyfriend----her vagina.
Lynyrd Skynyrd is Led Zeppelin for rednecks.
Sure, I may have killed a few people. But I'm no weirdo-I didn't eat any of them.
It's better to have loved and lost, than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.
Retired\disabled coal miner. Cardinal fan. Good friend, terrible enemy. Old. Loved. Infidel. USA