Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Misery might 'like' company, but it loves the shit out of Facebook.
It's dark in here. I can't find my boundaries.
Why doesnt doggy toothpaste come in flavors I know they would like, such as 'ass' & 'crotch' & '3 day old garbage'?
Doesn't matter how nice of a restaurant we go to, if you speak less than politely to the waiter, or leave a shitty tip, the date is over.
I cant be sure, but I think I just had normal people sex.
Gentlemen, fuck your ladies like you really, really mean it. Every time.
Sex or pancakes? Ok, both it is.
My butt plug is my big girl binkie.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
On a scale of one to douche, Id put you at Massengil factory.
Panties should be worn for ornamental purposes only, or not at all.
Ive found the quickest way for me to get over being angry about something, is to get angry about something else.
Peeps get all "How are those tattoos gonna look when you're 80?" And I get all "No worse than my 80 year old tittys". Silly.
Inspirational Tweet: Swallow. Try anal. Watch porn. You're welcome.
I'll betcha five dollars you can't buck me off your face.
Decisions I make when I'm horny tend to be as bad as ones I made when I was drunk.
Pro tip: It's difficult to say a safe word with a dick down my throat.
The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can.
Toss me around the bed with the just the right amount of gentlemanly authority.
Oh damn me! I'm always ruining somebody's perfectly good delusion with some facts and logic.