Popular Recent Faved By Given
Friends: 151
Followers: 214
Favs Given: 3,772
Favs Rec'd: 2,501
@Deconile's (Guess) most faved Tweets...
Deconile
Thanks for inviting me in...Wow, you have a LOT of cats...Well, I should be going, I planned on killing myself tomorrow. Gotta get up early.
@Deconile
Deconile
Carolers came to my door today. They all sang so beautifully that I decided to give them an additional 10 seconds to get off my property.
@Deconile
Deconile
My bored wants me to change the channel, but my lazy doesn't want to reach the extra 4 inches... Good thing my drunk doesn't give a shit.
@Deconile
Deconile
Abstinence makes the heart grow murder.
@Deconile
Deconile
Give a hungry child a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a hungry child modern urban rouge tactics, he steals, kills, and eats for a lifetime.
@Deconile
Deconile
No way! You got a turkey sandwich for lunch too?! Wow! Now I have to go throw mine away cause that means you and I have something in common.
@Deconile
Deconile
If you protect your tweets, you're sending out the wrong message. I'm expecting something fucked up, instead I get "I like yogurt". You suck
@Deconile
Deconile
Huh, I'm doing the Heimlich wrong. Apparently you're suppose to press the air from their lungs, not dry hump them 'til they scream it loose.
@Deconile
Deconile
HR sent out a memo stating "people" are violating dress code by wearing skirts that show the upper thigh. Call me out by name, you pussies!
@Deconile
Deconile
My co-workers have given me a badass nickname; Ironman. Yeah...it's cause I walk around with a tire iron and force them to call me Ironman.
@Deconile
Deconile
Apparently, if you put your head in a plastic bag, your boss can still see you.
@Deconile
Deconile
My co-workers don't seem to like their nicknames. I'm trying to strengthen the team bond b-oh hold on. Useless is coming. "Wazzup Useless?!"
@Deconile
Deconile
I gave my dog a spoon full of peanut butter to laugh while he struggles to swallow it. LOLJK. It's actually the neighbor kid and epoxy.
@Deconile
Deconile
Oh, I think you misunderstood me. I said I wanted "one night-stand." You know, next to my bed. Although I do appreciate the senitment sir.
@Deconile
Deconile
In the spirit of the day, I dotted all the i's on my suicide note with little hearts.
@Deconile
Deconile
Boss: Susan over in HR is in her office crying. Whatever you said, really upset her.
Me: (fist pump)(pop & lock)(moonwalk)(the robot)...
@Deconile
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MoodyPlaylistcoreyhindsMVANARS1chipsholda3TeleholicGirlHisTigerLilyShann318laageBombmom1SilkPillowcarriebentonSlappNuttzcossersBettyLiesJengaFannyRzou
Deconile
Step 1: Dress like a Jedi. Step 2: Spike the boss's coffee with LSD. Step 3: Inform him of the rebel's need for funding. Step 4: RAISE!
@Deconile
16
laageuserfuckinnameHisTigerLilytheangrybusdrvrwhyrywhyPhaCueredtothetoneSlappNuttzperiwinklestephTeleholicGirlslugworthyWaldoFuddMeesterNickBombmom1JengaFannyRzou
Deconile
Just takin' it easy... Easy like your dad! Burn!-wait, I did that wrong... I had sex with your dog. Wait. Crap... Your cat's a slut. Dammit!
@Deconile
16
SlappNuttzohsoobviousKillerwitlaageHisTigerLilybedheadblondeBombmom1hibiscuspeonyslugworthyFussySaffaMeesterNickRolandSlingerMommyNeedsANapSilkPillowJengaFannyRzou
Deconile
Silly pedophile, Dix aren't for kids.
@Deconile
15
imsogeeksterSlappNuttzaftamidnitebitterpussiMelbelDesignerSaysAdInsanitumvanesSilkPillownikkidarrieSplashOfKinkyslugworthyRolandSlingerBombmom1JengaFanny
Deconile
Oh, thanks Starbucks guy, but you keep the sippycup lid. I'm a grown man I don't appreciate you implying that I-dammit! I spilled on myself.
@Deconile
15
JacksCapssimplysarah8StillDrewdmcmillan123456SlappNuttzslugworthyTeleholicGirlbedheadblondeBombmom1redtothetoneIamDoubleGMeesterNickRolandSlingerSilkPillowJengaFanny
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