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Sucks when I'm about to have sex & she says, 'Please don't break my heart' & I have to reassure her that my penis will NOT reach that far
Difference between dry-spell & friend-zone is that you'd rather be in a desert than being in a river with water you can't drink LOL
Samsung won't stop until they create a TV so curved it watches itself.
Why do guys hold grudges against girls who rejected them so long ago? Anyway if you're reading this Mary from primary school, YOU'RE A WHORE
At this rate, we can expect the 'EBOLA' movie in 2015 directed by Michael Bay, starring Brad Pitt as a Nigerian doctor who saves the world
#FolderNamesToHidePornOnPc ''IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE''
Her: Sorry, but I only like you as a friend
Me: That's cool, I like you as a Tomato
Her: But I'm not a Tomato
Me; See where I'm coming from?
Compliment a pretty girl, she'll think you just want sex. Compliment an ugly girl, she'll think you're lying. Lesson? Compliment a sandwich
A girl can't even find her bunch of keys in her own handbag, how the hell is she going to find happiness in a man?
If your girlfriend never comes home complaining about the bitch at work that everyone hates, THEN SHE'S THAT BITCH LOL.
I'd rather make fun of myself everyday on twitter than pick on someone I don't know who may be going through some real tough shit
LOL some peeps at KBC are showing up at work for the first time since the world cup
I'm not saying my boss is a dick, but when people want to find out if he's reached the office they ask, 'is it in yet?'
If you don't take the time to tell your GF that she's beautiful, some other guy will. Which is cool, cause you're not a liar LOL
Even Obama produces identification when he goes to vote. Wetangula thinks everyone has a life-size poster of him in their bedrooms
I'm not saying my ex wasn't pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Every time I see a prostitute walking home in the morning I salute her cause I know that somewhere, a married man finally had sex
Creeping it real ......ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ #YNWA
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