I'll admit my penis isn't huge, if you admit your vagina has enough room to fit in a small fridge.

The only reason I ever wanted to become a doctor is so I can get to hear my female patients say that they have difficulty 'swallowing'

The girl my pal is trying to hit on just asked him to pick up her small brother from school. DAMN SON THAT’S SOME 50 SHADES OF FRIEND-ZONE

'I get the feeling that my family is kinda racist'- Black sheep.

Men are so gangsta until the point the girl they like replies their text and suddenly it's 'transform into freakin' Peter Pan' time.

So just like in real life, I show up when all the crazy sex stuff is over..........I hate you guys.

@lesfauxlee I never thought of it that way :(

@nkirdizzle GAY. And not, 'happy' kinda gay. It's a unicorn wearing a tutu dancing on a double rainbow while listening to One Direction gay

@nkirdizzle Black Ice is wine with a penis. Which explains its effect on girls lol.

Wine is just beer without testicles.

Whenever I catch a girl staring at my ass I get sooooo mad I even threaten to take her out for dinner and buy her drinks

So......If I live with SOMEONE ELSE'S parents will you go out with me then??? LOLOLOL

Those who live in their parent's glass houses shouldn't throw stones LOL.

If you think unfollowing won't hurt, remember all those poor souls who refused to follow Noah into the ark hahahaha...no seriously DON'T

Contrary to popular belief, men DO enjoy spooning........with their X-Box.

Why do girls say that when they want to have sex they want it to have 'meaning'. BITCH WE'RE HAVING SEX WHAT MORE MEANING DO YOU WANT?

'Oh man, there are so many huge cocks to choose from!'- My friend, trying to be funny at KFC. Don't worry, I slapped him

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't care much for your personality, but for now your boobs will do.

Got into an argument with some girl who says music really influences the way we think & talk. That's ridiculous. Bitch, don't kill my vibe

I just read about some dude who has contracted 3 different types of STI's. Why isn't this guy part of the Avengers?