I really don't think Eve tempted Adam with an apple... Unless that's what they called pussy back then

Dear Dumb Bitch: Being locked up for 8mths & posting it up on Facebook that ur out a free is nothing to be proud of. Ur no Nelson Mandela

If I had a cock.. I would totally slap someone on the face with it ..

Ppl find it shockin that I'm Puerto Rican in my 30s w/ no kids.I find it shockin I've dated all white guys & I have better credit then them

Steven Tyler looks like he made out with a plunger.

I may not have much to offer. But at least my tits still look great.

It makes me sick how some women act like they're a great parent. Just cuz u get ur beaver beat by a bunch of guys,doesn't make u June Clever

Locked myself out of the house,so I had to climb through my front window.Note to self:When wearing a dress,make sure to wear panties

Had a dream last night that I was late for work and I didn't give a shit.Woke up this morning not giving a shit and now I'm late for work

I know it's black history month,but does my boss have to be such a slave driver?

You know you're high when you're making chicken wings at 1am in the morning

That's it! I'm not getting high late at night and eating hot dogs. Had a dream that Bevis and Butthead were slapping me with their cocks.

My 26yr old cousin told me she's likes Justin Bieber music. So I slapped her in the face with her boyfriends dick.

I would rather watch Betty White and Hugh Hefner fuck each other, then waste my time watching the royal wedding.

Life is like a box of chocolate covered cherries. I fucking hate chocolate covered cherries.

I'm never having kids. I love my body and my sanity way to much,to raise someone who may grow up to be an asshole.

Just because you post it on Facebook what a great mom you are,doesn't mean you're still not a whore.

As I'm walking around the house I feel like something is missing.. Oh now I know! My 48oz magrita by the yard.. God I miss Vegas

When judgment day comes I hope we don't get judge Judy, or else we're all fucked.

I swear my man is pissing me off right now! Its times like this I wish I was a praying mantis.