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Just when things are at their worst I remember this:
I own a vagina...
And all is right with the world again.
It pisses me off when I see people correcting other people's spelling-it bugs me too but I'm not a big enough of a douchelord to correct it
Got Botox in the neck for migraines yesterday.
Now my skull thinks it's all sexy-like and wants to go pick up some strange.
No-I didn't unfollow you because "I couldn't handle how clever you are"- I did it because you are a witless douchelord
Not sure what manual retweeting is or why people do it but I know I'll never do it..seems to make people wanna go all stabby on each other.
Got unfollowed a lot today.
Pffffttttt-whatever, they've obviously never seen the real rear-view or they woulda never stop following.
My dog Bleu is 3 yrs old yet STILL soaks his leg every time he pees. I am forced to admit he must like it...from now on his name is Ray J.
Looking up recipes on the Internet for a date.
Too much of a woman to fake an orgasm but I will fake the SHIT out of this fried-chicken.
Just had lunch w/people I can't stand...tried to think of 1,000 ways to use a fork as a weapon and 1,001 reasons not to go to jail.
Doing my Irish ancestry proud.
Gonna peel the top off this whiskey bottle with my teeth and not stop drinking til I see the sun.
Like a boss
Hey "straight" guy over there bitching about how that girl's eyebrows don't match her hair...
you're not fooling anybody.
Why am I always 9 hours behind on my TL??
Putting spray-tan on naked on a deck in 100% humidity is a stiff reminder that I'll never get away from being a pale Irish chick...ever..
Pinched my nipple using a pair of needle-nose pliers while trying to tighten my nipple ring.
Maybe time to take inventory of my life…
A day full of seeing patients with their crowns stuck in the Milk Duds that they stole from their kids last night...
ahhh job security.
Too ADD for facebook...
Too OCD for Twitter...
Always reminding me to keep up with my meds.
Ughhh....if these people's mouths would just turn into keyboards I could use their teeth to tweet.
I'm still confused on this point:
If someone thanks you for following them but doesn't follow you back,
is that a dick move?
I drive with my phone between my legs set on vibrate.
The twitter alerts alone made a shitty day a little brighter.
If these bitches don't knock it off they're gonna be using a mouth-mirror to examine the inside of their intestines by the end of the day.
Waiting for my ADD to pass 'til I hop back on. But I'm still watching you...
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