My dog gets totally stoked about pretty much every idea I have if I say it loudly and then start running

To all the passengers I've ever had that pointed out empty parking spots to me: thank you. Thank you so so much. ♡

Ever press the wrong button on the vending machine to get spearmint gum instead of doritos and everything goes black?

I just downloaded a game that lets me build my own nightclub, using my own mp3s, picking my own disco lights & decor and I'm hurting so much

Hey guys! I just took an online quiz to find out which Disney princess I am and it's like the internet is a magic window to my soul...

I beat the post office lockdown by three seconds and it was just like when I beat my brother at Super Mario Kart in '93.

::waiting for everyone to come home from work and make their Words with Friends move::

Fun! How many times do I get to punch Chris Brown in the face today? #chrisbrowncangofuckhimselfintheasshole

Just found out Kill Bill 3 is coming out in 2014. Soooo...if anyone needs a date, call me!