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To the fat chick with the 'jealous much?' t-shirt. No. A thousand times, no.
I am not in the mood for shaking hands today. I am more in the mood for silently staring at your outstretched palm until you retract it.
Holy shit! My wife is pregnant. I'm going to be a dilf!
Why is it when you ask someone to be quiet for a moment the first thing they do is repeatedly say 'what?' really loudly?
Woman: You're sexist
Me: it's pronounced sexiest, love.
Never underestimate mankind's capacity for stupidity.
Even in this heat, I saw a guy wearing a leather trench coat and New Rock's today. There is no such thing as a part time goth.
Who's the guy who keeps stealing the locks off public toilet doors?
Wait! There's a contest in Brazil that's in reality a thinly veiled excuse to oggle women's bums? Why was I not informed?
Just spent ten minutes agonizing over the spelling of 'does.' I'm still not convinced.
When your girlfriend tries to dress you as a homosexual, is it to stop other girls talking to you?
People who answer there phones but don't say anything: what the fuck is up with you?
If Benicio Del Toro shouted at me I'd probably start crying.
You'd think the infrequentcy of my tweets would improve the overall quality of the limited output; you'd be wrong.
Geek, metal head, misspeller of words, part time gamer/failed author/failed guitarist, lover of all things Japanese, consumer of much bacon.
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