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Hey, iPhone jerks, stop tweeting little squares!
Whenever there's a flood, there's always some smartarse in a kayak.
Is it just me, or is this generation of men... Well... A bit douchey?
Working on an edgy as fuck screenplay where me and Kevin Bacon become best friends.
So when do I get to my DILF phase?
Whatever *infectious guitar riff*
You're not an alpha male, you're an intollerable little prick who no one can be bothered to argue with.
Someone compliment me so I can retweet it to my 270 followers :(
Lick a hookers arse: cause I wanna die on MY terms.
Sometimes I tweet things so profoundly awesome it forces the app to close unexpectedly. KABOOM!
Just trimmed my pubes and now I'm worried my fiancee will be all 'what happened to your pubes?' and there will be this whole conversation.
I hate you next generation of humans! SHUT UP!!
I'm not on drugs. I AM DRUGS! *slams fist on the desk*
Okay, stop saying political things! Results are in, back to the dick jokes!
Just read the word 'therapist' as 'the rapist.' I think I need therapy... or to be raped...
Shave your head and sing the theme to Batman Forever so I know it's Seal.
Hey, office guy with Lambretta man bag! You look like Martin Freeman; what the fuck is wrong with you?
I am not in the mood for shaking hands today. I am more in the mood for silently staring at your outstretched palm until you retract it.
Geek, metal head, misspeller of words, part time gamer/failed author/failed guitarist, lover of all things Japanese, consumer of much bacon.