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Please don't DM me to complain that my language is vulgar. This is twitter, not Christian Mingle. Oh, and fuck you. Pussy.
Based on her song lyrics, I'm guessing Taylor Swift would be a stage 5 clinger.
"He's nice once you get to know him" really means "He's a dickhead but you get used to it."
Be forewarned.....when you star my tweets I start doodling your name in my notebook and picking out baby names.
People who say laughter is the best medicine obviously don't have access to Vicodin.
Being single means never having to fake an orgasm.
The more I spend my time around men, the more I realize I should have been a lesbian.
Christmas....The one time a year I can sit on an old man's lap and ask for expensive gifts without being called a whore.
I love the feeling of excitement that comes with meeting someone new and great and thinking, "I can't wait to ruin your life."
Everytime I run into an ex I always find myself slightly startled and a little offended by the fact they kept existing after losing me.
Starbucks + adderol = breakfast. Vodka + codiene = dinner. Jealous?
Apparently getting drunk and talking about your ex husband is considered "bad form" on a first date.
Your brother's dick is bigger #rejectedcandyhearts
How sad/awesome is it that my phone now finishes spelling douchebag for me?
Got serenaded in a packed bar last night. This guys a keeper. And by keeper I mean I'm gonna stalk him.
Its almost Valentine's Day and to all you adorable, cuddly, folks in happy, healthy relationships, let me wish u a hearfelt FUCK YOU!!
I faked the orgasm #rejectedcandyhearts
I love to see a happy couple out in public, obviously in love. And I REALLY love walking up and yelling, "You gave me herpes, you dick!"
Gotta love codeine. Its take you to a whole new level of not giving a fuck.
To stupid people, on behalf of smart people everywhere; Please stop being so fucking stupid. Thank you.
The sweetest sociopath you know. Scorpio who loves to laugh, has never been convicted of murder, part time ninja and gun enthusiast.