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Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were fucked before you got there.
Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
Shaving is like punishment for something you didn't know you did.
Wow with all these breakfast choices I guess I choose beer.
It's official I have raised dumbasses, who wants one?
I take everything out of context. But somehow I am confused by boxed wine.
My memory must be failing. I just wanted to tweet something, got caught up reading tweets. And now I don't know what I was going to tweet.
I only watch women's tennis for the nipple erections and the skimpy outfits. Don't judge me.
Manual retweets: Because YOU suck at twitter.
My comidic prowess extends as far as, "that's what she said" jokes.
I always star a tweet or 2 before I follow. So the bitch knows I'm serious.
"Why do I always tweet stupid shit?" - Everyone on Twitter, probably.
I joined favstar and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.
Extinct religions are called myths. Active myths are called religions.
Why do women always want it harder and faster? Is the vagina not a delicate flower?
I think I "overshave" some parts because I can't see them very well.
I just went to FB, this what is going on:
Craving Strawberry Pop Tarts.
Child got contacts.
Lets GO PATRIOTS!
So it still fucking sucks.
So is it still a party foul for me to star my own tweets?
I have a follower that has a triple digit followers count and her tweets don't do much better than mine. So at least I have that.
WOW! Twitter has cured my Internet Porn Addiction!
Music Lover/ EX-Underwear model (In my mind). Professional Procrastinating Introvert. I say Fuck a lot.
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