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I always set aside some time on a Sunday morning to go look for my car.
Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
Shaving is like punishment for something you didn't know you did.
Wow with all these breakfast choices I guess I choose beer.
I always star a tweet or 2 before I follow. So the bitch knows I'm serious.
I take everything out of context. But somehow I am confused by boxed wine.
Walmart needs an observation deck.
I really do read your tweets. I've learned you all love bacon, hate facebook, are broke, and you masturbate a lot. Did I leave anything out?
OK, I get it "Cool" people. I'll just retweet my own shit. Thanks.
Manual retweets: Because YOU suck at twitter.
It's official I have raised dumbasses, who wants one?
Extinct religions are called myths. Active myths are called religions.
I bet If typos were a person they would be that loud drunk chick at the party that everyone hates.
My memory must be failing. I just wanted to tweet something, got caught up reading tweets. And now I don't know what I was going to tweet.
The sexiest part of a woman is her mind. That's where she decides to put her mouth around your penis.
I only watch women's tennis for the nipple erections and the skimpy outfits. Don't judge me.
Subtweets are so 2010. If it's not @ you, it's not about you. Except for you, yes you. All of my tweets are about you. And only you.
Music Lover/ EX-Underwear model (In my mind). Professional Procrastinating Introvert.
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