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Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were fucked before you got there.
Wow with all these breakfast choices I guess I choose beer.
Shaving is like punishment for something you didn't know you did.
It's official I have raised dumbasses, who wants one?
My memory must be failing. I just wanted to tweet something, got caught up reading tweets. And now I don't know what I was going to tweet.
Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?
I only watch women's tennis for the nipple erections and the skimpy outfits. Don't judge me.
I take everything out of context. But somehow I am confused by boxed wine.
"Why do I always tweet stupid shit?" - Everyone on Twitter, probably.
Manual retweets: Because YOU suck at twitter.
Why do women always want it harder and faster? Is the vagina not a delicate flower?
I think I "overshave" some parts because I can't see them very well.
I just went to FB, this what is going on:
Craving Strawberry Pop Tarts.
Child got contacts.
Lets GO PATRIOTS!
So it still fucking sucks.
So is it still a party foul for me to star my own tweets?
I always star a tweet or 2 before I follow. So the bitch knows I'm serious.
WOW! Twitter has cured my Internet Porn Addiction!
I could definitely rule Nicaragua.
FUCK YOU HICCUPS! AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!
Drinking beer and star fucking ya know...... cause that's how I roll.
Star this tweet if you don't like subliminal tweets telling you to star shit.
Music Lover/ EX-Underwear model (In my mind). Professional Procrastinating Introvert. I say Fuck a lot.
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