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  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were fucked before you got there.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    THCLovecraftMind_fukkSinfulShellyi_wasnt_lookingmissskye81TheIrishJoeyschumooHippychick3000
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    cm_rutvikG0ldenWeedMind_fukki_wasnt_lookingmissskye81amsn123_andiquoteMK_Shenanigans
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    I always set aside some time on a Sunday morning to go look for my car.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    grajan100Lupster17UnCivilGeekCarter_TCBjanuarydragonsTHCLovecraftMind_fukkSinfulShelly
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    Lupster17UnCivilGeekCarter_TCBTHCLovecraftMind_fukkSweetgirl2679breinah10lllvvvzzz
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?

    • 32
    • FAVS
    missskye81TheIrishJoeyMK_ShenanigansMadhusudanashannon2703chaosinventionemberlynovaPirate0216
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    cm_rutviki_wasnt_lookingmissskye81shannon2703emberlynovaruraljulesR1CC1Kjemcro22
  • Derick549
    • 25
    • FAVS
    SorensonKerrikingloraneDerickPaulsISeeZombeesSharkWerksCaspita_19891finalsectorRandom_Car_Guy
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    luciefrigonCaspita_1989ProfXmomLeahRebeccaUKSenatorCKingMPAVictoriaredorcno9HollyHollywood8
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Wow with all these breakfast choices I guess I choose beer.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    THCLovecraftMind_fukkSinfulShellyPsychographEdkashf0rddDunkelMaryVodkaTiemmissskye81
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Mind_fukkxElizabethxroseVodkaTiemmissskye81Slave_4_USpearmintBullbadpatrick1Spaced_Cowboy00
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Shaving is like punishment for something you didn't know you did.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    flashytrashMind_fukkSinfulShellyshannon2703ruraljulesMouthyMessFlyJ_GloGurL
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    G0ldenWeedMind_fukkshannon2703ruraljulesFlyJ_Slave_4_Ubadpatrick1Spaced_Cowboy00
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    I really do read your tweets. I've learned you all love bacon, hate facebook, are broke, and you masturbate a lot. Did I leave anything out?

    • 22
    • FAVS
    debthatswhohanbanxxTastesLikeBoardMind_fukkjon_costelloSinfulShellyR1CC1Kswollenvoice
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    cm_rutvikn8notTastesLikeBoardMind_fukkSinfulShellyThe_MartiniGirldaphygirl74jcacton35
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    I always star a tweet or 2 before I follow. So the bitch knows I'm serious.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    grajan100mamatomy3Lupster17landotwizeetCarter_TCBRichDickinson16She_isKing_TattleTSister
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Lupster17Carter_TCBRichDickinson16Lelo_LaylowTattleTSisterMind_fukkMrDescalzodreamsinchocola
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    I take everything out of context. But somehow I am confused by boxed wine.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    Carter_TCBSinfulShellynakedlaughingJulesC70Slave_4_Umissskye81ruraljulesMouthyMess
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    nakedlaughingJulesC70Slave_4_Umissskye81FlyJ_IamEveryDayPplGavsonNZImsohoppy
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    OK, I get it "Cool" people. I'll just retweet my own shit. Thanks.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    Mind_fukkjon_costelloSinfulShellyBurbidgeJamesdjtraumahawkHanmaboogiePsychographEdNightWritergrrr
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    cm_rutvikMind_fukkSinfulShellyNightWritergrrrall_about_todayjcacton35samiam604persinger7769
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Manual retweets: Because YOU suck at twitter.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    Lupster17landotwizeetyadyxx13Carter_TCBLiXa913stuey04Mind_fukkMK_Shenanigans
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    cm_rutvikyadyxx13Carter_TCBMind_fukkDwim74Kaineallen__Syncophant__
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    It's official I have raised dumbasses, who wants one?

    • 20
    • FAVS
    missskye81ruraljulesMouthyMesslantenengoFlyJ_GavsonNZGloGurLSlave_4_U
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    FlyJ_Slave_4_UKKennedaSpaced_Cowboy00Imsohoppygirlontapas
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Extinct religions are called myths. Active myths are called religions.

    • 17
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    ShibariJimMind_fukkjon_costelloSinfulShellyMK_ShenanigansruraljulesMouthyMessStr8GuyGayQuote
    • 8
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    feralcathG0ldenWeedMind_fukkSinfulShellyi_wasnt_lookingCarter_TCBandreektMythicalCrystal
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    My memory must be failing. I just wanted to tweet something, got caught up reading tweets. And now I don't know what I was going to tweet.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    TastesLikeBoardMind_fukkSinfulShellyruraljulesR1CC1KMouthyMessFlyJ_GavsonNZ
    • 7
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    Mind_fukkFlyJ_hiteshthetigerSpaced_Cowboy00GelasticGoGogirlontapasAvatar_unknown_48
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    I bet If typos were a person they would be that loud drunk chick at the party that everyone hates.

    • 18
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    elines1312sammies_sweetsBraskaBombshellmoreechampagneAdora2000Mind_fukkThe_MartiniGirlTheIrishJoey
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    moreechampagneMind_fukki_wasnt_lookingnaynis_vngCarter_TCB
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Subtweets are so 2010. If it's not @ you, it's not about you. Except for you, yes you. All of my tweets are about you. And only you.

    • 14
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    elines1312chelskichampMind_fukkR1CC1KTheIrishJoeyMakesYouGigglejcacton35Carter_TCB
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    chelskichampMind_fukkjcacton35MK_ShenanigansSayhikristyKZGAL1
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    I only watch women's tennis for the nipple erections and the skimpy outfits. Don't judge me.

    • 15
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    SinfulShellyMK_ShenanigansruraljulesMouthyMessGavsonNZGloGurLSpaced_Cowboy00katehurley4
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    Spaced_Cowboy00Carter_TCBImsohoppyfilthybeggar1
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    My comidic prowess extends as far as, "that's what she said" jokes.

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    MK_ShenanigansruraljulesMouthyMesspondermymakerRealPrincessKimCarter_TCBHotMildHoeIamEveryDayPpl
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    Carter_TCBIamEveryDayPplMythicalCrystal__Syncophant__
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    The sexiest part of a woman is her mind. That's where she decides to put her mouth around your penis.

    • 10
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    hellyeah63samiru27CherryLynnPeartDesiPhilospherReadingParadoxMind_fukkSternoShotsstacywawa1
    • 5
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    hellyeah63DesiPhilospherAPuzzelloMind_fukkstacywawa1
  • Derick549
      D @Derick549

    Rules for crackers: You only open the sleeve enough to get to the next one.

    • 11
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    Carter_TCBMK_ShenanigansSorensonKerriTHCLovecraftruraljulesJay_EisleyAmericanHoneyy5AshleyMeg80
    • 4
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    THCLovecraftAmericanHoneyy5SandyGuestAshleyMeg80
@Derick549

@Derick549

Music Lover/ EX-Underwear model (In my mind). Professional Procrastinating Introvert.

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