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Men are on the planet because vibrators can't buy us drinks.
I distrust camels, and anyone else that can go a week without a drink.
Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last
One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me
Just stepped on a hose on accident and sprayed my self in the ass.. fml
I won't be lonely long once this first beer is gone!
Come on election day.. sick of all your shit talking
A guy dressed as a chicken... On skates.. skated right into the side of my car..
A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
Ooo ya that just so happened!! Boooom!!! Bahaha
I wish I had a taco truck.. I like taco trucks
Wha uh uh huh! Suck a dick bitch!
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.