Eminem-Misplace Yourself #LessAmbitiousSongs

@mmaroasted Colton Smith is the new Jon Fitch.

Coming out to the world as gay is the new sextape. #quickcash

This Tebow guy is lying about being a virgin. He fucks NFL teams week in and week out. #Tebow

I would love to watch an episode of Girls with Brian Williams. I wanna watch him watch his daughter get plowed. #30Cock #proudpapa #HBHo

The Yankees will sign Billy Butler next year out of spite and keep him on the bench. #fuckKC

The Clash-London Texting #LessAmbitiousSongs

I bit into a chicken finger that still had a wedding ring attached to it... #chickenwidow

All NBA teams will empty their benches onto the court to find the next Jeremy #Lin. #startthescrubs

Bin Laden's body will end up on an episode of Deadliest Catch. #Osama #obl

Instead of going boneless, KFC should of taken a page out of Taco Bell's book and made the bones out of Doritos... #iatetheDoritos #fat

When Jay-Z rapped "If you're having girl problems, I feel bad for you son..." did he mean cramps/bloating/period? #rapmeaning

Melo must of listened to @jlcauvin 's podcast. He went off tonight.

@yannispappas At least it wasn't Pippas. Your street name would of been "Johnny Blowjobs."

Why can't Mariano Rivera play for the #Knicks? #closer #finishhim

@jensenclan88 or Mickey Rourke from The Wrestler.

@victoriapannell Great job at the Postal Worker Rally last week. Here is a pic I took. You have a bright future.  http://www.flickr.com/photos/devilforhire/8587463567/in/photostream/ …

@sportcritik Trevor Ariza got under his skin tonight. What do you think Lebron's gonna do to him?!?! Mental Midget!

Where did this sexy librarian fantasy come from? Never met a hot librarian in my life. We, in the real world, just call it granny porn.

@rob_sheridan and this pic.twitter.com/3zVM4xXI