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Of all the types of women, I like sluts the best. Mainly because they are the most receptive to me putting my penis in their vagina.
Just set up my profile on Christianmingle.com to find the religious love of my life. Don't do me wrong, God. Username: JesusWasJewish.
YEAH, I'm cuddling a guy on the couch... It's cool, though, he's got the good weed.
The first images of a new planet being formed with star dust. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/revealed-first-image-of-a-new-planet-being-formed-with-star-dust-8435785.html …
And lead us not into incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers. For thine is The Beer, the bitter, the lager. Forever and ever, Barmen.
Based simply on advertisements, Fox News viewers must own tons of gold, have mesothelioma, and be in serious trouble with the IRS.
Best quote from today's news, so far: "Rick Perry, who is just phoning it in from Xanax-and-booze-land, at this point." http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/01/17/1179617/-Roundup-GOP-outraged-by-Obama-s-executive-orders-on-guns-but-still-not-certain-why …
I hate to use the phrase "another notch in your belt", when "another knuckle in her asshole" sounds so much more classy.
Can't decide if I have high goals, or if my only goal is to get high.
Who starts their set at two, you say? The guys coked out of their gourds, that's who.
Pro tip: Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.
What's the similarity between a duck and a tablespoon?
Neither one is a bear.
I think the shorts deserve to win gold medals. #olympicvolleyball
Better than blow rubs and a pocket full of Skittles. Also, the lazer-gun carrying, Milky Way Master.