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I'll be spending all of today with a finger in each ear la-la-la-ing The Barber of Seville tunes cuz people in love are gross.
This tequila tastes like I'm gonna develop an extra chromosome.
Heated seats because who doesn't like a little hot ass in the morning?
The Bible would be easier to read and way less creepy if it just said: "Don't be an asshole. The end. "
God was my copilot once. We crashed into a mountain and I had to eat him for survival. He didn't taste like wafers at all.
I don't always eat egg drop soup but when I do I prefer real semen.
It's only a walk of shame if you didn't do it right.
Who me? Squirt? If you mean shoot a sweat puddle from the small of my back 5' across this tanning bed then, sure. I rule that shit.
LOL fatties trying to run in the snow *eats footlong chili cheese dog
Whatever, Suave with Macadamias. I prefer a different kind of nut in my hair.
The quickest way to get someone to leave is to stand in the kitchen naked holding a knife. Apparently.
*Pokes head in...
Y'all haven't changed a bit! :)
11 million piece McNerbles and midgets in mini squirts.
Every breath I take…every move I make…I get this weird feeling that Sting is watching me.
I posted a semi-racial message on Facebook today degrading Chinese-Nazis and lost a few friends…
Apparently they didn’t Reich it
If there’s more than a ‘slight’ curve to the cock…RUN!!
That’s where he keeps the crazy hidden.
IG: diaperslinger2 I'm not the type you take home to mama