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Judging by everyones avi I'd say you all have done a pretty good job keeping twitter a secret from the fat chicks
Whenever I drive up to an intersection and a bum is asking for change to buy a beer I just hand him the one I'm drinking.
Getting stars is kind of like oral. If you want to get it a lot you better be pretty good at it yourself.
When ever I read "alcohol may intensify this effect" I always accept the challenge.
I know what it feels like to be a woman.
I just had to go down on my toothpaste tube and suck out the last of the toothpaste.
I love when a new follower stars you right away. It's like picking up a date and she starts blowing you before getting out of the driveway
Just overheard a guy say "too much sex can be a bad thing" Yeah right buddy, too much sex is like too much whipped cream... impossible.
The toilet paper isle at whole foods will make you feel guilty for even wiping your ass. I think I even saw a bag of leaves in there.
Don't you hate it when you throw your drink on the drive thru window person for forgetting your straw only to find it in the bag later?
Can we all agree milkshakes have nothing to do with why boys come to your yard and it's really because you're a dirty little slut?
I'm not sure which is more bizarre, that I text my 80 year old mother regularly or that she just texted me back "true that"
I love a woman that can pick up on subtle hints. Like when I say "choke on it whore"
Hey girls that post naked pics, is it too much to ask to clean your fucking room first?
Guy just stepped out of Prius in cowboy hat, boots, and buckle. Not exactly what Bon Jovi meant when he sang on a steel horse I ride Tex.
Every time is see something "organic" my mind reads "orgasmic" and I think it's worth the extra money.
Used "retard" in a tweet & got this reply. "Thousands in IL are offended by your words" So the retards in the other states are cool with it.
I BBQ my meat on the grill like I like my women in bed... fatty side down.
Tall Walking Texas Trash. I like trains and whiskey.
